The World According to Julie

Removing Fear to Build Your Brand | TalentZoo.com

2010-04-07T16:55:00.002-04:00

From Removing Fear to Build Your Brand - TalentZoo.com by Martin Lindstrom

What do weapons, burglar alarms, and condoms have in common? Their sales all boomed in 2009 with condom sales up 22 percent since 2008. Why?

The answer can perhaps be found in Nigeria and Chile -- two countries I visited on my globetrotting tour promoting "Buyology." Surprisingly, neither country has detected the "R" word. When asking government officials why that was the case, the explanation was simple: The media simply hadn’t picked it up yet. As no-one had read about it, the recession, therefore, never arrived.

Is this whole thing just a well-orchestrated media story, containing one essential ingredient, fear?

When you’re told that the world soon will go under due to a gigantic financial crises, what is the first thing you do? Save money. Suddenly the local retailer around the corner will lose revenue from your less frequent visits and fire staff -- the same staff who now will spend less -- and buy less in your company. You’ve just witnessed the cycles of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As sophisticated as we seem to be, we still should remind ourselves that our ancient brothers were monkeys with basic needs: sex, food, survival, and sleep. Even though we may convince ourselves that our lives are much more sophisticated than that, exactly those parameters seem surprisingly dominant when push comes to shove and the recession starts dominating the world situation, explaining why condom, weapon, and burglar alarm sales have increased.

A recent neuroscience study shows that fear drives us more than we ever would admit. Hate it or love it. The fear of losing my job, fear of losing out on my school-fee payments for my kids, or fear of ending up in the gutter. Thoughts so scary for anyone to think about that we clock into panic mode.

Remember fear and sex are two of our main drivers, and thus factors, which at the end of the day, take control once we’re in survival mode. When President Johnson ran his Daisy TV commercial up to his election, a commercial that used an A-bomb to illustrate what would happen if he wasn’t elected, the voters hated it. When junior Bush did the same in 2004 -- showing wolves entering the boarder as a metaphor to illustrate how terrorism would take over the entire country -- people hated it. However, both TV commercials had profound effects on our amygdale, a region in our brain responsible for generating fear. Yes, the voters hated both commercials when asked, yet the scan surprisingly indicated that voters still would cast a vote in favor of these politicians. They simply couldn’t resist.

Since the very beginning of the U.S. recession, the Big Three automakers have offered steep discounts in order to get rid of their cars. A majority of their cars are sold at cost, yet still no one wants to buy their cars. The fundamental problem isn’t that the cars are useless; the problem is the proposition, which has forgotten to take fear into account. Of course, no one wants to buy a car if they’re afraid of being fired tomorrow. Hyundai realized this and began to offer cars attached with an assurance: "Buy any new Hyundai, and if in the next year you lose your income, we’ll let you return it.”

In just a month Hyundai increased its sales with more than 20 percent in the U.S. alone. The returned cars? Well, so far supposedly only two cars have been returned.

Building brands in recessions is all about fear management -- to fundamentally understand how fear works, why we react as we do, and what the consequences of this are in our purchase behavior. Fear often is as irrational as everything else in our lives. When a plane drops from the sky, the airline industry knows that people fly up to 10 percent less weeks after. You don’t have to be a statistical genius to know the chances of a second plane crashing days after are substantial lower than before. All this means is that irrational propositions often are substantially more powerful than a steep discount.

Over the past months, a flurry of new banks have hit the ground in the U.S. -- banks with no track record, clear history, and unknown personnel. Their proposition is simple (We’re new, with no Wall Street links or links to the past), and consumers love it. Can you imagine such proposition just two years ago?

What does neuroscience tell us in order to cater for the consequences of a financial recession and build surviving brands? Here are three points.

There’s always good news in bad times.

One of the oldest tricks in innovation is not to ask consumers for what they want but for the problems they see. Believe me, we see a lot of problems! The fact is we rarely know what we want, but we’re amazing in pointing out problems. No one knew they wanted an airbag, but they knew they wanted safer cars. No one knew they wanted toilet seat covers, but they knew they hated to place toilet paper individually on the seat.

Ask yourself what are the problems consumers are facing during the recession? There’s a lot -- like they no longer can afford to travel to exotic destinations for holidays (which might be why those French perfumes seem to sell well; it’s kind of a whiff of Paris). We’re bored; we can’t afford fancy dinners anymore (which is why the sales of Lindt chocolate, McDonald’s, and Rubik's Cubes are going through the roof). We’re afraid of putting our money into stocks or banks (which is the reason why collectors' gold coins sold out twice last year in the U.S.). Start your innovation circle by letting the consumer point out all the problems, then convert these into problems.

Add a practical dimension to an irrational decision.

It has become fashionable to save and only buy on discount -- no matter who you are. What do you do as a brand owner? (Remember, discounting your brand typically takes seven years to recover!) The answer is simple: Add a practical dimension to the equation (explaining why a brand like Willeys boots is selling through the roof -- they’re practical as hell). No one wants to buy a fancy jacket at the moment, but if you’re able to add a practical dimension to your product, like designing the jacket so that the customers can turn the jacket inside out, featuring a second color (matching the evening dress), you’ve armed the consumer with a rational argument helping to lock in the deal. The fact may be that the consumer in reality is buying the jacket because they love the design, yet in recession times such arguments don’t hold -- the practical dimension does.

The systematic removal of fear.

Hyundai did it, and a stream of new banks are doing it: identifying the underlying reasoning why consumers won’t buy their services by fundamentally understanding fear and building a new and better product offering around it.

Sales might be down, but do you really know why? Answers citing the recession are invalid and useless. What counts is to understand the fundamental role of fear and to turn this around to strengthen your brand. The pre-war time in the '40s gave birth to some of the world’s greatest brands. These brands all had one thing in common: They turned a threat into an opportunity. I see no reason why you shouldn’t be able to do the same.

Tiger Woods Disappears From Accenture Web Site; Ads Pulled

2009-12-12T08:13:00.001-05:00

Dec. 12 (Bloomberg) -- Accenture Plc, the consulting company that built its marketing around Tiger Woods, removed him from its Web site yesterday. It also pulled print ads featuring the golfer, said a person with knowledge of the matter.

An image of Woods among cactuses, rotating this week on Accenture’s main page along with photographs of a skier and skaters, was no longer on display last night. Its sponsorship page excluded any mention of Woods and a search of the site for his name returned no results. Accenture pulled ads from more than one publication, said the person, who declined to name them and sought anonymity because the decision isn’t public.

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Accenture Removes Tiger Woods From Front Page of Web Site - CNBC

2009-12-12T08:05:00.001-05:00

Accenture Removes Tiger Woods From Front Page of Web Site - CNBC

2009-12-12T08:05:00.000-05:00

Accenture Removes Tiger Woods From Front Page of Web Site - CNBC

2009-12-10T12:05:00.003-05:00

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2009-12-10T12:05:00.001-05:00

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Accent on Embarrassing

2009-12-09T10:12:00.002-05:00

This morning, a client asked for me to look at the Accenture website. I was shocked by what I found: Tiger Woods (or his body double?), lost in the cacti, confused and trapped. Meanwhile, beneath this pathetic image, the company's Twitter scroll features this particularly harrowing phrase: Failure to learn from mistakes. The irony! During the week Tiger Woods is found out to be at best a sex addict, Accenture shows him literally lost in the weeds - and even worse - lost in Accenture's weeds.

Aghast, I continued to read the Twitter scroll and discovered another ironic message, especially given that I am writing about the company's marketing missteps this morning:

Just shut up and listen? You no longer control the conversation about your company.

LOL! No kidding!

Throwing away that damaged umbrella (brand)

2009-08-26T16:10:00.007-04:00

From today's Washington Post (see below), we read of General Motors' unprecedented dumping of its (previously invaluable) corporate brand. Instead, the company will focus solely on building individual vehicle brands.

What a smart move. All the American car brands - with the exception of perhaps Ford - are black and blue after taking billions in stimulus dollars from the Red, White, and Blue. It will be years - even decades? - before these companies recover their business and their good names.

I applaud the wise GM marketing pros who made the wise decision to fold up the umbrella brand and wait until the rain has passed.

GM to Remove Its Logo From Cars, Stress Brands

By Kimberly S. Johnson
Associated Press
Wednesday, August 26, 2009

DETROIT, Aug. 25 -- General Motors will begin removing its "Mark of Excellence" logo from vehicles as the company places greater emphasis on its individual brands.

GM spokesman Terry Rhadigan said Tuesday that the company would phase out the placement of the GM logo on its cars and trucks, leaving just the GMC, Chevrolet, Cadillac or Buick logos on the vehicles.

"We really want to elevate the prominence of our four core brands," he said. GM is discontinuing or selling four brands: Hummer, Saab, Pontiac and Saturn.

The final decision to remove the silver square logo was made earlier this month, although executives had mentioned the possibility of such a move months ago. The company found that consumers had a greater affinity for GM's individual brands than the corporate name.

"What we're seeing is the GM brand gets dinged big-time in terms of considering a GM vehicle," Mike DiGiovanni, GM's executive director of global market and industry analysis, said during a monthly sales conference call in April. "But when you look at Chevrolet, Cadillac and our other brands, they haven't changed." The company began putting the logos on all its vehicles in North America in 2005.

Rhadigan said removing the logo -- which is generally placed on the lower section of the door panel -- will be more difficult on some models than on others. On vehicles where a specific indentation is made in the sheet metal for the logo, phasing it out will take longer. On models such as the Camaro or Equinox, removal is easier and will begin immediately, Rhadigan said.

Taking the logos off the vehicles will save GM a "nominal" amount of money, Rhadigan said.

Skip Past the Ads, But You're Still Being Sold

2009-08-18T12:39:00.011-04:00

From Sunday's Washington Post
By James P. Othmer

In the 1960s Madison Avenue era, painstakingly re-created in the cult hit television show "Mad Men," which returns Sunday for its third season, advertisers could buy a fixed block of airtime on television and be guaranteed a captive audience. That's what Winston cigarettes did for the inaugural season of "The Flintstones" in 1960; cartoon-loving prospective smokers tuned in to see Fred and Barney gleefully puffing away, shilling the product.

But now if we don't like an ad, we can zap, TiVo and DVR it into consumer oblivion. If it truly offends -- say we discover it is fake or untruthful -- we can trash the brand on our blogs or write nasty comments under the spot on YouTube.

On the other hand, if we're entertained enough by something a brand does, we can do its job for it -- by becoming its social media champion. That's what millions of people do every day. They "elf" themselves for OfficeMax each holiday season, spreading the word about discount paper products while having online fun in Santa's workshop. They forward Cadbury's "gorilla playing drums" video to anyone who likes to see a primate jam. A few years ago, they had their way with a man in a chicken suit with Burger King's "subservient chicken," which had 25 million visitors during its first 48 hours online.

And in the past few weeks, hundreds of thousands -- including seemingly every ad person I know -- have been playing along with AMC's ramp-up for Sunday's premiere, joining a "Mad Men Casting Call" and flocking to the meta social-media promotion "Mad Men Yourself," which lets people swap their Facebook profile pics for hip "Mad Men" avatars.

Ads in the "Mad Men" day were about the art of persuasion. Advertising today is about the art of engagement.

Nowhere was this more apparent to me than at the epicenter of advertising yet-to-come, the Brandcenter at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. During a two-day visit there I never saw a single idea in the medium that had been advertising's delivery system of choice since the days of, well, Don Draper: the 30-second network television commercial.

Instead, I saw discreetly branded viral video shorts, graphic novels and performance art. I saw Facebook and Twitter campaigns for mega-brands, and real-world scavenger hunts and online interaction with fictional characters. It didn't seem like the industry in which I'd worked for more than 20 years. When I left advertising in 2005, every major campaign still revolved around the almighty TV spot.

And this isn't happening only at VCU. For two years I visited many of the most progressive idea factories for the $670 billion-a-year global industry. Everything revolved around viral, immersive, "360 degree" advertising, with nary a martini or a TV spot in sight.

On the surface this seems pretty good, this two-way digital transparency model that seemingly makes it incumbent upon advertisers to step up the truthfulness and entertainment value of their messages. Indeed, many smarter agency-guided brands already get this and have thrived because of it. At the very least, it's much less harmful than the loosely regulated, sex-in-the-ice-cubes booze and cigarette ads churned out by the chain-smoking, sublime persuaders of the 1950s and '60s, right?

Not quite. Because while we now have the ability to assert more control over advertising, we're unwillingly being bombarded by more messages than ever, infiltrating our lives in new and increasingly insidious ways.

The market research firm Yankelovich estimates that the average American living in a city 30 years ago saw up to 2,000 ad messages a day. Today, estimates range from 5,000 to 20,000 ad impressions a day. To hone in on a more accurate number, one would have to determine what exactly constitutes an ad in today's ambiguous media environment. Print, radio, TV and online pop-up and banner ads are easy to tally. But what about Internet search results, recommendations on Amazon, subtle product placements in film, music and TV, and, of course, spam?

Then there's the blogosphere, where an entire cottage industry blurs the line between content and advertising, truth and spin.

This month, it was revealed that pharmaceutical companies had hired ghostwriters with no medical training to produce and disseminate "research papers" for online public consumption. Before the drug companies were the mommy bloggers -- parents writing about their children, and their children's favorite products, online. That scandal exposed an ethically tenuous relationship in which bloggers received corporate swag, and in some instances vacation junkets, in exchange for favorable, seemingly honest reviews and "content" mentions. And the brands are not shy about it. Jill Beraud, a marketing officer at PepsiCo, is on record saying that courting the mommy bloggers is a long-term effort.

The Federal Trade Commission has responded by proposing that all bloggers and the corporations that sponsor them be held accountable for the validity of the claims they make. The agency is updating its guidelines on endorsements and testimonials for first time since 1980. Good luck with that. And by that I mean assigning a task force to tackle First Amendment issues and police the entire digital universe to see if someone's passionate Huggies recommendation on MommyBloggest.com is on the up and up.

Meanwhile, members of Congress alarmed by the creeping ubiquity of direct-to-consumer pharmaceutical marketing (the United States and New Zealand are the only developed nations to permit such ads) have taken steps to rein in the people who bombard us with ads that are often accompanied by 30 seconds of legal copy about side effects including death and blindness.

In 50 years we've gone from loosely regulated advertising based on the art of persuasion, to more regulated, perfectly legal and often spectacular ads based on the art of engagement, to anything goes.

As a result, it is increasingly difficult to determine what is authentic. It is impossible to tell if a cool video clip is just that or an ad for a car, sneaker or cellphone. Is that really an environmentally responsible vehicle, or is the message pure greenwash? Is that really an unaffiliated "concerned citizen" stepping up to speak at a town hall meeting with Rockwellian authenticity, or a paid party hack who heeded the call of a social media networking blitz?

I recently spoke about all of this with a former colleague and current advertising creative director. "Eventually," he said, "the Internet always reveals the truth." The question is, when the messages come at us at the speed of light, many thousands of times a day, can it or anyone reveal it fast enough?

At its core, advertising is a tension between art, commerce and ethics. With time, consumers, brands and the law make adjustments and the balances shift. Which brings us back to 1962, and Don Draper. Would his contemporary self approve of mommy bloggers and pharma spam? Or would the man who in one episode frowned with disapproval at Doyle Dane Bernbach's revolutionary "Think Small" print ad for Volkswagen evolve and become a proponent of ethical, engaging ads?

For an answer, cue the DVR to Season One, Episode Six -- skip the ads -- when a beatnik says to Draper: "You work in advertising. . . . How do you sleep at night?"

The Mad Man's response: "On a bed made of money."

jpothmer@yahoo.com

James P. Othmer is a former advertising executive and the author of the forthcoming book "Adland: Searching for the Meaning of Life on a Branded Planet."

Why Marketing is Broken, Part 1

2009-08-03T15:39:00.016-04:00

I've been giving the state of marketing a lot of thought this summer, and I have concluded that marketing as we know it is dead - not only merely dead, but really most sincerely dead.

Long gone are the days of Mad Men where ad execs create campaigns that slither their ways into our hearts, minds, and wallets. Every consumer in America is now an expert on advertising - and we universally hate it. We listen to iPods and XM because we want to listen to music - not ads. We Tivo television shows so we can fast-forward through the commercials and reduce "The Office" down to 20 joyous, annoyance-free minutes. We universally enlisted in the Do-Not-Call list (even if we continue to get calls during dinner from charities and marketing research companies). And every morning, we're faced with an anemic Washington Post (or whatever daily you read/used to read) because the paper can't pay for journalism now that the advertisers vanished.

Why has this happened? For many reasons, which I'm going to write about over the coming weeks. But I'll start with Exhibit A: the Omega Watch television ad.

This dreadful piece of drek represents the worst of the worst. Why? Because it sells out all that is great and good about our country. For the sake of a buck, Omega Watches exploits our country, our dead president, our greatest scientific achievement of the past century, and worst of all, my childhood memories. IT IS JUST AWFUL. I wouldn't buy an Omega Watch ad now if it meant I could fly to the moon on its back.

(And whoever sold out JFK by allowing the use of that noble footage ought to be ashamed. Completely, utterly, and unabashedly ashamed.)

I don't object in general to Omega using its "first watch on the moon" status in its promotion. If they'd done a campy campaign with a cartoon moon and then shown a cartoon spaceman looking at an Omega watch, I'd have smiled and remembered the watch's unique status. This approach would have yielded a soft but powerful message rather than the overstated, overmarketed, absolutely nauseating patriotic 2x4 to our heads.

So this is Reason 1 why marketing is broken: because we've come to the place where everything is for sale - and we hate that fact. We all know better; we've heard about the evils of selling your soul to the devil - and the company store. Smart marketers need to recognize that some things remain above the almighty dollar - namely President Kennedy, Neil Armstrong, NASA, setting foot on the moon, and a very, very long list of other precious things.

Next time, the second reason marketing is broken: Veterinarians gone wild - or why marketing now matters more to them than my pets.

You can't shrink your way to greatness

2009-07-22T09:10:00.009-04:00

Seth Godin consistently delivers a great marketing blog, but today his message is perfect. He echoes my feeling that it's time to stop hunkering down and start growing up.

Death spiral!

You've probably seen it. The fish monger sees a decline in business, so they have less money to spend on upkeep and inventory, so they keep the fish a bit longer and don't clean up as often, so of course, business declines and then they have even less money... Eventually, you have an empty, smelly fish store that's out of business.

The doctor has fewer patients so he doesn't invest as much in training or staff and so some other patients choose to leave which means that there are even fewer patients...

The newspaper has fewer advertisers, so they can't invest as much in running stories, so people stop reading it, which means advertisers have less reason to advertise which leaves less money for stories...

As Tom Peters says, "You can't shrink your way to greatness," and yet that's what so many dying businesses try to do. They hunker down and wait for things to get better, but they don't. This isn't a dip, it's a cul de sac. It's over.

Right this minute, you still have some cash, some customers, some momentum... Instead of squandering it in a long, slow, death spiral, do something else. Buy a new platform. Move. Find new products for the customers that still trust you.

Change is a bear, but it's better than death.

Feel Dizzy Fridays - Optical Illusion Images - Lifelounge - Daily Goodness

2009-07-11T14:03:00.001-04:00

Feel Dizzy Fridays - Optical Illusion Images - Lifelounge - Daily Goodness

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2009-06-25T13:59:00.006-04:00

Long-time client and good friend Peter Buchanan passed this cool optical illusion on to me today. You'll never believe it, but the green and the blue in this graphic are exactly the same. Surprising, huh?

Here's the visual proof:

Just goes to show you you can't always trust what you see! To learn more about this optical illusion, read the article on Discover.

Model village is made entirely of wool

2009-05-19T09:37:00.004-04:00

In celebration of all things creative, I post this article from the Telegraph.co.uk.

Model village is made entirely of wool
A model village which took 23 years to create entirely from wool has gone on sale.

Many of the landmarks of Mersham near Ashford in Kent – population 1,022 – have been knitted by members of the village's Afternoon Club since 1986.

Creations include the local primary school, the church, both pubs, the local shop, residents playing cricket, and even some of the local teenagers smoking a cigarette outside the bus shelter.

Many of the houses have also been stitched, complete with flowers occupying the gardens and cars on the roads, to help capture a slice of everyday life of the village.

Thousands of hours of intricate handiwork have gone into creating the knitted village over the past 23 years by members of the 40-strong Afternoon Club.

The preparation involved taking pictures and mocking up cardboard templates of the properties and objects before the knitters wove their magic.

With at least 100 knitted objects now, the village has become so large that for the many elderly club members it has become increasingly difficult to transport to exhibitions.

Next month the knitted village will be publicly displayed to enable people to come and choose their favourite stitched object, with proceeds going to the local hall.

Afternoon Club member Joyce McDonagh, 82, a retired market researcher, said: "It will be a shame to see it all broken up but it has become something of an elephant.

"Most of the members are now of pensionable age and we haven't got the men to lift the stuff.

"It wouldn't be so bad if there were just two or three items but there are at least 100 now. It's massive and that's the problem."

Another club member, 80-year-old Margaret Goldup, a retired local shop assistant, said: "We've gained so much pleasure from it over the years, particularly from taking it round different places to exhibit.

"People all want to come up and take a look and they say things like, 'Oh, I live there. That's my house, but where's my cat'. Over the years we have raised £10,000 for the village hall through donations so it has been good for the village."

###

More photos are available in a London Daily mail article. But here is one of favorites. The ladies did a very nice job, all the way down to the pipecleaner television antennas!

Knitting is good for your health - and your duct tape prom dress!

2009-04-06T10:17:00.009-04:00

I have two excellent knitting-related videos for you this morning. The first touts the powerful health benefits of knitting and crocheting, the most impressive of which is a 30-50 percent improvement in memory for the elderly. (This does NOT explain why, as a middle-aged knitter, I still cannot remember where I put my keys, the TV remote, or my cellular phone).

Watch CBS Videos Online

My second video pick of the day comes courtesy of my friend, Ellen who sent me this story of a young couple who used duct tape to make their own dress and suit. You've got to see it; they did a wonderful job.

And here's an extra goody for you today: another prom date couple dressed in duct tape. They get an A+ for creativity, but my God, I don't even like wearing polyester because it doesn't breathe. Imagine dancing - and sweating - in that dress!

Remarkable Wal-Mart trivia

2009-03-31T10:50:00.017-04:00

Thanks to my bff Theresa for sending me this remarkable bit of Wal-Mart trivia:

Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart every hour of every day.
This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St.Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.

Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer. And most can't speak English.

Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.

Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).

Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.

This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion.)

90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.
Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street. Better yet... let them run the darn government.

I'm not sure about that. Wal-Mart is famous for the exceptionally poor treatment of its employees, such as withholding critical health insurance. If you think of this retail giant as a blight upon humanity, you'll love the following graphic. Beward of the Wal-Mart pandemic spreading across the continent!

Social Networking Demographics: Boomers Jump In, Gen Y Plateaus

2009-03-23T18:41:00.003-04:00

From Steve Rubel's Micro Persuasion Blog:

There's a common misperception out there that all of the blogging, Twittering and Facebooking is being done by twenty and thirty-somethings. That, in fact, turns out not to be true. Baby Boomers (those born 1946-1964) are the fastest growing users of social networking sites and are also increasingly reading blogs too. Meanwhile, Gen Y interest in these services has plateaued. This all according to the latest Consumer Electronics Usage Survey from Accenture.

Read the full story

Know your retro logo?

2009-03-13T10:36:00.011-04:00

This quiz appeared in a recent issue of "Taste of Home" magazine.

Name that Character!

Long before screen celebs and pro athletes were tapped as product spokespeople, the stars of TV ads were often animated characters, many of which have become endearing icons that transport us back to our childhoods. Test your food-icon memory. See if you can match these "celebs" with their companies and little-known facts.

The product of a company brainstorm, this single image spoke to the consistent quality of the product - no matter what the weather.
The first representation of this character had crazy hair and a fur wrap for clothing.

The idea for this dapper chap came from a 1916 contest. The 13-year-old schoolboy winner took home $5 for his effort.

In 1925, this company's owner snapped a photo of a handsome waiter at a Chicago restaurant. The waiter was paid $5; his name was never recorded. He remains the face of the brand to this day.

By 1902, this treat was so popular that it was features in the Sears, Roebuck catalog with no description at all.

It's suggested that this icon inspired the ubiquitous yellow "happy face" that grew popular in the 1970s.

In 1928, artist Dorothy Hope Smith sent in a sketch she hoped this company's owners would use as their logo (they did). The original is now stored under glass in the company vault.

ANSWERS:

1. F - Morton Salt
2. C - Green Giant
3. E - Planters Peanuts
4. G - Cream of Wheat
5. A - Cracker Jack
6. D - KoolAid
7. B - Gerber Baby Food

Happy birthday to my mother

2009-03-12T15:34:00.014-04:00

It's 3:30 in the afternoon. I'm dog-paddling through the sea of crap on my desk:

3 Fresca cans

2 cordless phones from other rooms

Half-eaten chicken salad sandwich

Broken flash light

New Yorker cartoon calendar

Empty box of Kleenex

Pile of bills

Bag of organic dogs treats

Cinnamon Orbit gum

7 balls of this marvelous merino yarn I bought from some Dutch chick on eBay

2 half-used packs of Sudafed

Tax-related papers ready for the accountant

D battery

2 Valentines from my boyfriend

Tape, stapler, paperclips, binderclips, pencil cups

Broken Bluetooth ear piece

Green clock, green lamp, green yarn

3 remote controls

9 whiteboard pens and 1 eraser

2 external hard drives

2 speakers

John Krakauer's "Under the Banner of Heaven" (great book about Mormon history)

8 antibiotic pills

1 beat-up Blackberry

1 sleepy black cat

My life. As usual. Too much crap, too little time. Organization required. A desperate need to get my life in order. Now.

I pull out a notepad. Ticking off the things that need to be done. Write it down. Write that down, too. When is it due? I don't know... what is today's date? I write it down: 3-12-09.

March 12th, 2009. Oh, my. Today is my mother's birthday.

Or it should be.

If my mother had lived rather than died 32 years ago, she would today be 70. It is impossible to think of her being elderly. The only joy in dying young is that you will always be youthful to those who live on. I never saw my mother's hair fade to gray nor her crow's feet deepen and spread. Being 50, I watch those changes in myself, aware yet again that I am living years and years my mother never had.

She was only 36 when the doctor told her she needed a hysterectomy; her annual pap test showed "precancerous cells." Best get it out now before it gets any worse.

Before the surgery, her doctor ordered a routine chest xray. No big deal, just standard procedure. The doctor never expected that the enigmatic, brackish image would be anything but a large, uneventful negative. He was wrong. A huge, voracious parasite of a tumor laid claim to her left lung. What he found in her that day forever changed her life - and the lives of everyone around her.

She was diagnosed with lung cancer at 36. With spinal cancer at 37. With brain cancer at 38. And then with death.

Today, my mother should be 70 . For me, she will always be 38. Young, vibrant, creative, talented, and beautiful. And yes, sometimes crazy, sometimes evil - and always human.

My mother is not here today to celebrate her seventh decade - at least not in person. But she is indeed here. She lives on as always - always in my heart.

How to make a snowflake

2009-03-09T18:45:00.006-04:00

If I were God (and I fully acknowledge I am not), I would spend all day creating snowflakes. Crystaline wonders thrown like sparkling diamonds against the sky.

Sadly, I don't have a clue how to make a snowflake. But scientists at the University of Wisconsin at Madison and the University of California at Davis do. David Griffeath and Janko Gravner have developed a complex algorithm that describes the snowmaking process. The model requires complex calculations, tremendous computing power, and an entire day to create a single virtual snowflake. Griffeath says the flakes feature "fern-life stars, long needles and chunky prisms, but also fine elements such as tiny ridges that run along the arms and weird, circular surface markings."

To view more of the scientists' beautiful creations, visit Gravner/Griffeath Snowfakes - yes, snowfakes, not snowflakes! If you want to learn more about the actual algorithm, check out
Modeling snow crystal growth: a three-dimensional mesoscopic approach.

In the meantime, perhaps Gravner and Griffeath could start work on creating forsythia and crocuses. I'm ready for spring!

An unstimulating logo

2009-03-04T15:08:00.017-05:00

From today's CapitalBeat:

Taking a Play From FDR, Obama Announces New Logo For Stimulus Projects

By Paul Sherman

Taking a play from the New Deal, President Obama announced on Tuesday that projects funded by the $787 billion stimulus plan will be marked with a special emblem (see logo on right from ABC News). "When you see them on projects that your tax dollars made possible, let it be a reminder that our government — your government — is doing its part to put the economy back on the road of recovery," said Obama during a speech before the Department of Transportation.

In 1933, the administration of Franklin D. Roosevelt passed the National Industrial Recovery Act (NRA) and created the blue eagle logo (see below) that became ubiquitous in shops throughout the country. The NRA aimed to set a floor for wages and prices. The Act was declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court 1935.

*********************************************************
My take? The new logo sucks. Here's why:

It looks clip art-y.

It's bland.

It's way too busy.

Recovery.gov will never be able to be seen at small sizes.

Where are the stripes from the flag?

It looks like Recovery.gov is for environmental and industrial causes - not for the thousands of people who are losing their homes, or for the greedy and irresponsible bankers who sucked up recovery money and gave themselves big bonuses.

I've never been that big a fan of Obama's logo either; it relies on a tired image of peace and prosperity as well as on the big O - which is always Oprah territory.

But the Recovery.gov logo is truly just awful. If it were up to me, I'd grab that great art deco NRA eagle and run with it. Fast. Because that logo can fly.

Rebranding the Girl Scouts

2009-03-03T14:54:00.005-05:00

From yesterday's Washington Post:

Blogs In, Badges Out as Girl Scouts Modernize

Long associated with images of dorky vests and singalongs around the campfire, the 97-year-old Girl Scouts of the USA is trying to become cool. Or at least cooler.

With enrollment dropping sharply, the organization is experimenting with a total makeover of the Girl Scout experience.

What's in: books and blogs written in girls' voices on topics such as environmental awareness and engineering; troops led by college students; videoconferencing with scouts in other countries.

What's out: textbook-style lessons on the value of helping others; shunning the Internet; moms as troop leaders for teenagers.

Thin Mints are not in jeopardy, but -- OMG! -- badges will be de-emphasized.

"We took a step back and asked, 'What do girls need from us right now?' " said Eileen Doyle, the Girl Scouts' senior vice president of program development. "There is consistency in our goals throughout our history, but we can maintain that while being fun, edgy and challenging for modern-day girls."

Last year, the Girl Scouts hired its first-ever brand manager, Laurel Richie, a former senior partner at advertising powerhouse Ogilvy & Mather who oversaw campaigns for Campbell's soup and American Express. Richie said the group's image was stuck in an earlier era, the main reason for a more than 8 percent decline in membership, to 2.5 million, during the past 10 years. The organization has faced a particular struggle attempting to attract urban and minority girls.

"It's no different from preparing an ad campaign for a classic brand that needs a bit of a facelift to show that it's still relevant," Richie said.The Girl Scouts is not alone among social groups with its declining membership trend. The Boy Scouts, which has lost members since its peak in the 1980s, has worked to balance traditional camping and knot-tying with robotics and other 21st-century pursuits. Adult organizations such as Rotary clubs and Elks lodges also have lost members.

But few have gone as far as the Girl Scouts in attempting to keep up with the times."The rise of a vibrant coed youth culture after World War II meant single-sex organizations felt a little old-fashioned even back then," said Susan A. Miller, a University of Pennsylvania historian who has written a book about the rise of girls' organizations. "It would be silly for them to try to run counter to the dominant culture that girls are embedded in.

"The biggest change is last year's debut of Journeys, a pilot curriculum that will mostly replace the system of earning badges on specific topics. Girls still will be able to earn badges if they want, but Journeys rarely mentions them, focusing instead on broader themes, including teamwork and healthy living. Rather than scouts earning a badge for cooking a single nutritious meal, for example, the books emphasize fruits and vegetables whenever food is mentioned.

Several girls said they appreciated that Journeys talks to them as a friend rather than as a teacher or parent. Washington Girl Scout Maritza Jones, 9, said her favorite fictional character in the books is one with a single mom and a little brother, like herself.

"It's not like a schoolbook, because there are fun games and they talk about people like me," Maritza said. "The girls talk like my friends and I do about movies and playing on the computer and animals and stuff."

Many lessons focus on changing the world in measurable, modern ways. Recycling is still an important part of lessons on helping the environment, but some troops also install solar panels and test water quality in rivers.In Boston last year, fourth- and fifth-grade scouts conducted an energy audit of the city's convention center using sophisticated engineering equipment and then offered recommendations on how to make the building more efficient.

At a gathering in Southern Maryland last week, 13- and 14-year-old girls stopped by six stations dedicated to financial literacy. At one, professionals taught financial discipline by using free T-shirts to lure girls into a credit card offer that was too good to be true. Nearby, girls drew up a budget for a hypothetical family based on its income and needs.

Increasingly, such discussions are taking place online. Once reluctant to direct scouts to chat rooms, the Girl Scouts now encourages girls to use the Web as a resource.

The Girl Scouts and Microsoft have just unveiled a student-driven Web site dedicated to blogs, videos and discussions on topics such as social networking and Internet safety. Called LMK, text-speak for "let me know," the Web site aims to capitalize on girls' love of all things Internet.

On a page about Internet predators, the site's authors emphasize that the risk isn't nearly as great as many parents think. But the next page shows that some seemingly innocent messages can carry hidden risks, using a story of a girl who thought she was invited to an exclusive party of movie stars but was actually being scammed.

Camping and singing will remain part of the scouting experience, and because the Girl Scouts organization has always given wide autonomy to individual troops, leaders and girls will be able to choose which of the new programs to embrace.

Troop autonomy is a major part of the sales pitch to immigrant parents and children, who, research shows, are looking for a different kind of benefit from the Girl Scouts. That research has resulted in several initiatives aimed at Hispanics, who represent more than 15 percent of the U.S. population but just 6 percent of Girl Scouts.

Focus groups showed that many immigrant parents didn't know what the Girl Scouts organization was, and if they did, they didn't consider it appropriate for their children.

"They associated us with the cookies and the camping, and those were both scary concepts," said Amelia de Dios Romero, the Girl Scouts' multicultural marketing manager. "Selling cookies, to them, meant going door-to-door to strangers, and camping was sleeping in the woods with danger there."

In response, Richie, the brand manager, hired Grupo Gallegos, a marketing firm that focuses on Hispanic Americans. Girl Scout leaders began meeting with mothers one-on-one to talk about how the program can help their children integrate into American culture.

Neither Jahaziel Rodriguez, 16, nor her mother, Nury Tamayo, had heard of the Girl Scouts when they moved to Fairfax County from Colombia three years ago, and Tamayo initially was nervous that the group would be more about partying than education or service. Now, she said, she thinks Girl Scouts helped her daughter acclimate to her new country more quickly.

"At first I came here and I didn't know the language or the people or how to do things like apply to college," Jahaziel said. "And they helped me learn."

Many of the Hispanic girls are involved in a new Girl Scouts program called "Twinning," which allows them to videoconference with troops in South America and then travel to meet their new friends. Jahaziel's troop partners with one in Ecuador, which they plan to visit next year."Just like taking programs online," Romero said, "now we're talking the language they're used to."

Photo: By Richard A. Lipski -- The Washington Post

Men vs. Women - in chart form

2009-03-02T18:06:00.012-05:00

The most valuable lesson in any screenwriting writing class? Show, don't tell.

Same goes for advertising.

Why? Because we're visual beings for whom a "picture paints a thousand words" is genuinely true - and not just an old, sappy Bread song.

For your consideration, I present these three great poster ads from Israeli Goldstar Beer. I truly laughed out loud - I bet you get a smile from them, too. And they sure beat yet another tome about the biological and behavioral differences between women and men.

(Click on the images to see a larger version.)

The provocative connection between food and sex

2009-02-26T13:41:00.013-05:00

Prudes at Dinner, Gluttons in Bed
By George F. Will
Thursday, February 26, 2009; A19

Put down that cheeseburger and listen up: If food has become what sex was a generation ago -- the intimidatingly intelligent Mary Eberstadt says it has -- then a cheeseburger is akin to adultery, or worse. As eating has become highly charged with moral judgments, sex has become notably less so, and Eberstadt, a fellow at Stanford University's Hoover Institution, thinks these trends involving two primal appetites are related.

In a Policy Review essay, "Is Food the New Sex?" -- it has a section titled "Broccoli, pornography, and Kant" -- she notes that for the first time ever, most people in advanced nations "are more or less free to have all the sex and food they want." One might think, she says, either that food and sex would both be pursued with an ardor heedless of consequences, or that both would be subjected to analogous codes constraining consumption. The opposite has happened -- mindful eating and mindless sex.

Imagine, says Eberstadt, a 30-year-old Betty in 1958, and her 30-year-old granddaughter Jennifer today. Betty's kitchen is replete with things -- red meat, dairy products, refined sugars, etc. -- that nutritionists now instruct us to minimize. She serves meat from her freezer, accompanied by this and that from jars. If she serves anything "fresh," it would be a potato. If she thinks about food, she thinks only about what she enjoys, not what she, and everyone else, ought to eat.

Jennifer pays close attention to food, about which she has strong opinions. She eats neither red meat nor endangered fish, buys "organic" meat and produce, fresh fruits and vegetables, and has only ice in her freezer. These choices are, for her, matters of right and wrong. Regarding food, writes Eberstadt, Jennifer exemplifies Immanuel Kant's Categorical Imperative: She acts according to rules she thinks are universally valid and should be universally embraced.

Betty would be baffled by draping moral abstractions over food, a mere matter of personal taste. Regarding sex, however, she had her Categorical Imperative -- the 1950s' encompassing sexual ethic that proscribed almost all sex outside of marriage. Jennifer is a Whole Foods Woman, an apostle of thoroughly thought-out eating. She bristles with judgments -- moral as well as nutritional -- about eating, but she is essentially laissez-faire about sex.

In 50 years, Eberstadt writes, for many people "the moral poles of sex and food have been reversed." Today, there is, concerning food, "a level of metaphysical attentiveness" previously invested in sex; there are more "schismatic differences" about food than about (other) religions.

If food is the new sex, Eberstadt asks, "where does that leave sex?" She says it leaves much of sex dumbed-down -- junk sex akin to junk food. It also leaves sexual attitudes poised for a reversal. Since Betty's era, abundant research has demonstrated that diet can have potent effects, beneficial or injurious. Now, says Eberstadt, an empirical record is being assembled about the societal costs of laissez-faire sex.

Eberstadt says two generations of "social science replete with studies, surveys and regression analyses galore" have produced clear findings: "The sexual revolution -- meaning the widespread extension of sex outside of marriage and frequently outside commitment of any kind -- has had negative effects on many people, chiefly the most vulnerable; and it has also had clear financial costs to society at large."

In 1965, the Moynihan Report sounded an alarm about 23.6 percent of African American children born out of wedlock. Today the figure for the entire American population is 38.5 percent, and 70.7 percent for African Americans. To that, add AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, and the unquantifiable coarsening of the culture and devaluing of personal intimacy.

Today "the all-you-can-eat buffet" is stigmatized and the "sexual smorgasbord" is not. Eberstadt's surmise about a society "puritanical about food, and licentious about sex" is this: "The rules being drawn around food receive some force from the fact that people are uncomfortable with how far the sexual revolution has gone -- and not knowing what to do about it, they turn for increasing consolation to mining morality out of what they eat."

Perhaps. Stigmas are compasses, pointing toward society's sense of its prerequisites for self-protection. Furthermore, as increasing numbers of people are led to a materialist understanding of life -- who say not that "I have a body" but that "I am a body" -- society becomes more obsessive about the body's maintenance. Alas, expiration is written into the leases we have on our bodies, so bon appetit.

Obama needs to trademark Obama

2009-02-23T10:14:00.011-05:00

The President's attorneys are way late to this game...

White House Lawyers Look to Limit Commercial Use of President
Julianna Goldman

Jan. 30 (Bloomberg) -- Barack Obama’s popularity makes him a marketer’s dream. Now, the honeymoon may be over for those trying to profit from his appeal.

White House lawyers want to control the use of the president’s image, recognizing the worldwide fascination about Obama’s election, First Amendment free-speech rights and easy access to videos and photos on the Web.

“Our lawyers are working on developing a policy that will protect the presidential image while being careful not to squelch the overwhelming enthusiasm that the public has for the president,” White House spokeswoman Jen Psaki said.

Uh... too late, guys. Here are just some of the God-awful, Barack Obama products now available for purchase:

A Facebook Assignment: 15 Albums

2009-02-16T13:35:00.027-05:00

Assignment: Think of 15 albums, CDs, LPs (if you're over 40) that had a profound effect. Dig into your soul. Music that brought you to life when you heard it. Royally affected you, kicked you in the wasu, literally socked you in the gut, is what I mean.

In chronological order:

"The Little Drummer Boy"
A fixture of my youth. I thought "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by Jimmy Boyd appeared on this recording... very confused about the adulterous nature of this song, I was appalled that Santa would be making passes at this little boy's mom! But my brother in his most persistent, journalistic, and annoying manner has informed me that the Boyd song was on "First Christmas Record for Children," another record we listened to as kids.

"Mary Poppins"
Ubiquitous tunes of my early youth. I learned to play the piano with songs from "Mary Poppins" and "The Sound of Music." My favorite? "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" which the movie reminds us is what we say when we don't know what to say. I adored Julie Andrews - after all, my name was Julie Matthews and we both had boy surnames and the same first name so we must be soulmates.

"The Association Greatest Hits!"
My parents bought this album but I know I listened to it 1000 more times than they did. I loved the harmonies in "Cherish" and "Along Comes Mary."

"Reach Out"
The Four Tops grooved their way through this stupendous album singing "Reach Out - I'll Be There," "Bernadette," and my favorite, "If I Were a Carpenter." At a very early age, this last song taught me a lot about loving what's important in a person rather than the surface horseshit that everyone else seems to care about.

"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"
This Beatles record featured the best and scariest album cover ever produced. Released just prior to the "Paul is dead" rumor, the cover sported more mysteries and clues than seven combined seasons of LOST. For a couple of months in 1967, I was terrified to walk through our rec room because I was sure that that demonic album cover was going to reach out and get me.

"Leaving on a Jet Plane"
This song came off of Peter, Paul and Mary's "Album 1700," which I never owned. But I listened to that song so many times in sixth grade, it takes a place on my list. It was the first 45 I ever owned.

"Tapesty"
By Carole King, of course. Tell me one woman over 45 who says she never owned this album and I'll call her a liar to her face. Everyone had this album. EVERYONE. I've bought at least six copies over the years. I still know the lyrics to every single song on the album, including "Smackwater Jack"! (Smackwater Jack had a shotgun...)

"Sweet Baby James"
By James Taylor...

"Mud Slide Slim"
Also by Taylor. I demolished at least a dozen diamond needles wearing these albums out. I especially liked "Mud Slide Slim" because it featured Carole King's "You've Got a Friend," probably the best song ever recorded. I've grown old with James Taylor and I love him today even more than yesterday. He has truly been a fixture in my life.

"Chicago V"
I picked this album, especially "Saturday in the Park," to honor Mary Jane Inglesby who remembers listening to this record in my bedroom in eighth grade. I remember the wood-cut album cover. Chicago always had the best jackets - and logo. I've studied that logo since I was 14 years old; it's one of the reasons I grew up to be a branding expert and logo designer.

"Tea for the Tillerman"
By Cat Stevens. One of my most favorite albums ever, I especially love "Father and Son," "Wild World," and "Into White."

"Teaser and the Firecat"
Another Cat Stevens album, this one with the classics "Morning Has Broken" and "Moonshadow." Both albums had spectacular jacket artwork that broke every unwritten rule about album covers of that era, instead providing simple, whimsical, hand-drawn images that look like they came from a children's book. Perfection.

"Aja"
By Steely Dan. Along with James Taylor's "Mud Slide Slim," I always take "Aja" on vacation with me because it always makes me feel at home. In 1977, this album played constantly - and I mean constantly - at Sutter's Mill, a great college bar off Syracuse University's famous Marshall Street. I can never hear "Deacon Blues" without remembering the good ole days at SU.

"The Stranger"
By Billy Joel. Another persistent Syracuse memory. All the Long Island kids raved about this piano player from where they grew up - but I'd never heard of Billy Joel in my life. However, it wasn't long before I, too, knew every word of "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant." (Bottle of red, bottle of white, perhaps a bottle of rosé instead...)

"Christmases Long Ago - Julie, Jill, and John's Christmas Music"
Compiled by my brother, John Edward Matthews II in the 1980s when he worked for WMAL. John created his masterpiece long before regular people could make their own cassette tapes or burn their own CDs. John's efforts simply boggled the mind because he found every cherished Christmas song of our youth and put it all on one tape. Brilliant! In the 1990s, I re-created the tape as a CD; it still provides the soundtrack for every holiday season.

I will now end where I began by telling you that "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" appears on John's compilation tape, too. But I now understand the irony inherent in this song - and love it just the same.

Sounded nice up there

2009-02-13T10:03:00.006-05:00

A lovely poem/prayer for the creative by my friend, Jonathan Finn Barber:

Sounded nice up there

May our creative endeavors refine as they age with us,

Our naysayers grow hoarse from speaking ill of us out of jealousy

Our self-doubt be calmed by our diligence

Our hearts be opened for praise from those who care for us

May our work guide us as a beacon through difficult storms of confusion and warm us through the bitter winters of creative blocks

May we nurture our craft like our first born

While it cares for us like children in the twilight of our lives

May we always create for the sake of creation, forever and in all ways

Guess Who's Coming to Facebook

2009-02-09T16:36:00.004-05:00

From today's WOMMA Word:

You may not have predicted it years ago, you may not even like it, but there's a growing chance that your grandparents are now on Facebook too.

New data from Pew/Internet shows that over one-third of adults have an online social networking profile, an increase of 400 percent since 2005.

75% of online adults 18-24 have a profile on a social network site

57% of online adults 25-34 have a profile on a social network site

30% of online adults 35-44 have a profile on a social network site

19% of online adults 45-54 have a profile on a social network site

10% of online adults 55-64 have a profile on a social network site

7% of online adults 65+ have a profile on a social network site

The entire study can be downloaded for free, and can be grabbed at MGH Word of Mouth's site which is linked below.

The full story at: MGH Word of Mouth - Blog

Uh oh... Mountain Dew changes its logo

2009-02-09T09:15:00.014-05:00

One of the joys of Facebook is that I occasionally get to see life from an adolescent perspective. Avery, my cousin Caroline's oldest son, is 16. This morning, Facebook reported that he joined the group, "I hate the new Mountain Dew Logo." The group's description reads:

What is with the new Mountain Dew Logo. WHY has it been changed. It is so ugly. Why change for the sake of change. Why change what needs not be changed. And what is with the (MTN) anyway. I feel like I'm going to a ski resort or something.

For the uninformed, Mountain Dew is "a soft drink distributed and manufactured by PepsiCo... it often incurs the disapproval of health experts due to its relatively high caffeine content for a soft drink... The drink is mainly marketed to people in the 12-30 year old demographic group, creating a connection to activities like extreme sports and to the video game culture." (Source: the font of all knowledge, Wikipedia)

From my visual survey, this Facebook group's membership encompasses almost exclusively white, teen-aged males - Mountain Dew's (excuse me, Mtn Dew's) target audience. I'm certain Pepsi performed lots of market research before making this change, but it still strikes me as another example of branding influenced by the internal machinations of a company. As I wrote in my entry about HLN (Headline News), it's just plain dumb to rename companies or products based on how you refer to them internally. For years, I'm sure every Pepsico staffer has referred to the company's super-caffeinated, lemon-lime soda as Mtn Dew, but that doesn't mean anyone else should.

As one member named Brian writes, "mtn dew can diaf!!!" (Translation for the middle aged like myself: Mountain Dew can die in a fire!!!) We'll see if Pepsi suffers the repercussions of changing the brand fourth most popular soda in the world (Coke, Pepsi, and Diet Coke come first).

But I concur with the Facebook group. Why change something that need not be changed?

Why We Twitter

2009-02-06T09:07:00.005-05:00

An astute commentary about social networking from today's Washington Post Letters to the Editor:

Why We Twitter

Jeanne McManus ["The Tedium is the Message," op-ed, Feb. 3] shared my wife's bewilderment over why so many people these days engage in the banal minutiae of social network chitchat such as we find on Twitter and Facebook. Why, Ms. McManus (and my wife) asks, should anyone care that she is scrambling an egg right now?

It's quite simple, really.

A growing number of us are doing so because we have become a nation of loners. Our bonds of friendship, neighborhood, family and community have been torn asunder by our sprawling, car-based, sterile, suburban lifestyles. Living without such bonds is incompatible with our sociable, convivial genetic heritage.

No one disparages the importance of the occasional "scrambling eggs, right now, Kathy" chitchat that has happened so much more often in the past over the picket fence. Sociologists recognize how such banal chatting builds and strengthens neighborliness and friendship.

Twitter and Facebook allow us to engage in virtual, cyber-based chatting over the picket fence. They fulfill a deep-seated human need - albeit in a less-that-ideal way.

Let us hope that we more fully return to the timeless neighborliness of our traditional towns and cities. And soon.

Dom Nozzi
Richmond

The writer is executive director of Walkable Streets, an organization advocating pedestrian-friendly community design.

What were they thinking? Headline News becomes HLN

2009-02-02T11:45:00.009-05:00

I.H.A. (I hate acronyms). They S.U.C.K. (Super uncreative corporate kaka)!

Acronyms, the friend of FDR, the New Deal, and Washington, DC, obliterate meaning. If you are a new or even an old company, the last thing you want to do is to create a three-letter name. No one can remember the letters, especially in the DC area.

Even worse, acronyms are almost completely unbrandable. Unless you are IBM, CNN, or AT&T, forget about turning to your bowl of alphabet soup for a name change. The Feds claimed this territory a long time ago; commercial enterprises don't stand a chance.

Given this, you'll understand why the Powers That Be at CNN's Headline News H.L.T.F.M. (have lost their fricking minds). According to a December 16, 2008 Reuter's article:

NEW YORK (Hollywood Reporter) - At the end of what will be a record year for viewership, Headline News is getting a name change.
The 26-year-old news channel will be known as HLN. It follows in the footsteps of such other Turner Broadcasting networks as TBS, TNT and, of course, CNN. Along with the new moniker, the channel is getting a new logo and slogan: "News and Views."

CNN Worldwide executive vp Ken Jautz said Wednesday that the channel is acknowledging that it has evolved beyond the headlines-every-hour format that marked its first two decades or so. Since 2005, Headline News has been, at least in primetime, more like cable channels MSNBC and Fox News Channel in programing talk shows. Nancy Grace has had her own 8 p.m. program for the past three years, and Glenn Beck held the 7 p.m. slot for two years before he left for Fox News Channel.

"We feel (the tagline and name change) is more representative of what the channel has become in primetime," Jautz said.

First off, I question the rationale of changing the name at all. If the network soared by 15 percent last year, why fix something that ain't broken? The execs see the network name through their own eyes and not their viewers and it's a huge mistake. Yes, we all know we can turn on Headline News during the day and get the latest news in a half-hour segment. But that doesn't mean that the name becomes nonsensical when execs schedule Nancy Grace at night. As a matter of fact, if you're into sensationalized, up-to-the-minute news about the world's latest scandal, Nancy Grace provides genuine (if rather seedy) headline news.

Second, having all Turner properties adopt acronyms offers another example of H.L.T.F.M. I possess vague recollections of Cable News Network and Turner Broadcasting System, so I know what CNN and TBS represent. But that collective social memory evaporates as younger people watch these networks. Ted Turner is an innovator. I can't for the life of me understand why he'd make all his channels sounds like CBS, ABC, NBC, and PBS.

Third, taglines should elucidate for consumers the unique attributes your product or service delivers. "News and views" could be the tagline for CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC, PBS, MSNBC, CNBC, and the like. This generic tagline is useless, meaningless, and BAD.

Fourth, look at that new HLN logo and tell me that you don't immediately think HSN - Home Shopping Network. I want to whip out my credit card and go buy something dumb on television! The only thing I like about the logo is the voice bubble. The rest S.U.C.K.S.

So what does this mean for you?

Don't name your damn company with a damn acronym.

If you are a sole proprietor, don't name your company with your initials. Remember, your company isn't about you, it's about your customers. Don't ever forget it!

If you have a real company name, use it. Don't turn The Washington Post into WP, for example. Use the most important or distinguishing word in your name as the corporate moniker instead. Thus, most Washingtonians call our city's paper the Post. Remember, people will remember your name - but never your acronym.

Pick a meaningful, useful tagline.

Hire Julie & Company to help you with naming issues. Just like everything else in branding, it looks easy but it's not. It's tough work and belongs in the hands of experts. Truly. Headline News would never have been renamed HLN if its execs had hired Julie & Company - even if it meant we didn't make much money!

To conclude: HLN is SOL. And that's the truth!

My dog's better than your dog...

2009-01-29T11:17:00.010-05:00

My dog's better than your dog, my dog's better than yours! Remember that old Ken-L-Ration TV commercial?

Well, it's been updated for the 21st century. Dog lovers everywhere will adore this Budweiser commercial - even those who, like me, haven't had a beer since 1977! Enjoy!

You know there's an economic downturn...

2009-01-19T13:25:00.005-05:00

... when logo designers create mock logos instead of new ones. I didn't design these, but I admire whoever did. The car faux logos are particularly clever.

Thanks to my stepsister, Liz Holm, for sending these (and some others) along.

Rick Sanchez obliterates Joe the Asshole

2009-01-15T09:22:00.009-05:00

Three cheers for CNN's Rick Sanchez who uses his own personal bully pulpit to stand up to Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber aka Joe the War Correspondent aka Joe the Biggest Asshole on the Planet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BE0rc2aZpc

So once again, let me say: Flush Joe the Plumber!

From today's Wall Street Journal: New Info Shoppers

2009-01-13T15:23:00.014-05:00

New Info Shoppers
By MARK PENN
With E. Kinney Zalesne

With so much attention on psychological marketing these days -- finding new ways to tap into people's heads -- perhaps the single most neglected trend out there is the move towards more hard-nosed information-based shopping and purchasing.

While elites were busy shoveling money into Madoff's black box these past few years, strapped consumers have been poring over product spec sheets, third-party reviews and expert blog sites. This past holiday season they watched every dollar. A special kind of consumer has taken a major role in the marketplace -- the new info shopper. These people just can't buy anything unless they first look it up online and get the lowdown.

These shoppers have the Internet at work, typically hold information-based or office-park jobs, have some college or grad school, and are often making ends meet with two jobs, kids, and pets on a middle or upper-middle-class income.

They have become highly suspicious of many TV ads: in a shoppers survey we did, 78% of them said that ads no longer have enough information they need. So many of them search online for virtually everything. Window shoppers have become "Windows shoppers." They want, in the phrase often attributed to Dragnet's Joe Friday, "just the facts, ma'am."

Of course, there is still a healthy role for big emotional brand appeals and mega-advertising campaigns. For every trend there is a counter trend. But that's not the real new thing in consumer behavior.

A whopping 92% of respondents said they had more confidence in information they seek out online than anything coming from a salesclerk or other source. They believe the information they find, not in the information that is spoon-fed to them, and the vast number of clicks today prove that they really are devoting time and energy to ferreting out detailed info before they buy.

A good example of how information can transform a marketplace is the series of ads a few years ago for the Dyson vacuum cleaner. Founder and inventor James Dyson took a commonplace item and explained how he had transformed it with new scientific principles. Consumers weren't bored with the technical approach. On the contrary, sales took off -- and changed the marketplace for vacuum cleaners.

When we asked shoppers whether they would do online research before buying a vacuum cleaner today, a surprising 58% said that's exactly what they would do. His ads helped turn vacuum-cleaner buying into a largely information-based marketplace.

We have seen many of the big market areas convert to an information-driven model -- cars, homes, personal computers and medical care are areas where nearly 4 in 5 shoppers say they gather information on their own from the Web before buying. "Do-it-yourself doctors" (that is, info patients) show up at their doctor with the Web-derived diagnosis in hand, and a list of the medicines they need prescribed. Customers appear at the car dealership with the wholesale price and the model already picked out.

Information-seeking is not just an activity, it's a way of looking at the world. New info shoppers are proud of the progress they have made in putting facts over pablum. More companies should treat their customers as Dyson did and let them in on the secrets of their unique success. And they should invest more than ever in helping form their consumers into citizen corps, arming them with PCs, cameras and even asking them to use the phone's new video cameras to document their product usage and put them online.

But how many marketers today work back from what this new consumer is thinking and doing?

Not many. Based on the advertising budgets in the U.S. where a typical company will spend 60 times as much on advertising than they spend on generating publicity, most lag way behind in creating a new model of consumers and the steps they take before they buy.

Some industries got it right away. Movies and restaurants have huge word of mouth and impulse components, but they are also very information-driven. Zagat's pioneered the concept of survey ratings and reviews, and smart restaurants use them. We're seeing the same in entertainment, where Metacritic and others provide professional and customer ratings of every movie.

Now this trend is spreading down the product chain. In our survey, 24% said they are doing online research before buying shampoo. The Breck Girl is being replaced by a shopping bot.

And they have questions. How does this shampoo work on different hair types, thicknesses and colors? Are the bottles recyclable? Has the product been tested on animals?

It used to be that the only time people expected 30-page, pre-purchase, inspection reports was when they were buying a house. Now some people want them just to buy a tube of toothpaste.

The point is that advertising isn't just moving to the Web, it's got to grapple with an entirely new kind of shopper and way of shopping. Marketers now have to balance traditional media, online media, and content that is generated by experts, bloggers and consumers themselves. An astonishing 70% of Americans now say they consult product reviews or consumer ratings before they make their buying decisions. Sixty-two percent say they spend at least 30 minutes online every week to help them decide what and whether to buy. Among Americans under 45, that number shoots up to 73%. Seventy-three percent -- that's more than four times the percentage in that age group who go to church every week. For some, smart shopping is more than a hobby. It's a religion.

Information aggregation sites – the ones that don't generate content themselves, but link to others' content, weaving a story about the industry and its products -- will become even more important. Much as the Drudge Report tells its readers where to find stories they will like, so consumer aggregation sites could grow and do the same for car buyers, PC buyers, and other consumer groups. Most of the sites so far have been too cheesy to really catch on.

Information shopping also means manufacturers have to get back to generating more information on their products, even offbeat factoids that are highly memorable if not always useful. Timex sold a lot of watches by showing its watches were still ticking after being thrown into a washing machine. To catch the eye of the info-shopping consumer, manufacturers should start hauling their wares up to Mt. Everest, drop them out of windows, put them in boiling water and reporting on how they do. In an info-seeking world, facts can again become the great differentiator.

New Info Shoppers are bigger than a microtrend. They represent a broad shift in the marketplace brought about by the Internet, higher education, and changing economic times. But the question is when is the marketplace is going to really catch up to them.

Penn, Schoen and Berland conducted a New info Shoppers survey of nearly 300 U.S. adults October 15-21. Margin of error is +/- 5.69 points. Detailed Results available at www.psbresearch.com/files/ResultsOfMicrotrendsNewInfoShoppers.pdf

Yet again: flush Joe the Plumber!

2009-01-13T10:13:00.005-05:00

I won't waste my words. This speaks for itself: ASSHOLE!

From today's Washington Post
Meet Joe The Reporter
Tuesday, January 13, 2009; Page A13

Samuel Wurzelbacher, best known as Joe the Plumber, is reporting from Israel these days as part of his new gig for a conservative Web site, Pajamas TV (http://www.pjtv.com/).
Wurzelbacher did a stand-up next to a large pile of rockets fired from Gaza into Israel and offered this interesting take on what journalists, such as himself, should do.

"I'll be honest with you," Wurzelbacher said in his video analysis. "I don't think journalists should be anywhere [around] war. I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what's happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I-I think it's asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you'd go to the theater and you'd see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for 'em."

Didn't know he was that old. He continued: "Now everyone's got an opinion and wants to downer -- and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers. I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting. You know, war is hell. And if you're gonna sit there and say, 'Well, look at this atrocity,' well, you don't know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it."

Read my previous rants on this asshole: Flush Joe the Plumber Part Tres, Flush Joe the Plumber Part Deux, and Flush Joe the Plumber.

Joe the Plumber, Part Tres

2009-01-08T15:11:00.022-05:00

I possess a long and unwavering record regarding Joe the Plumber: I can't stand him. He sadly (for me anyway) never learned the lesson about 15 minutes of fame. Andy Warhol said that everyone will get a quarter-hour of renown. If that's the case, Joe the Plumber is long past his expiration date.

Joe the Plumber announced he was considering running for Congress during the height of his fame. In a Capitol riddled with bozos, Joe the Plumber would most certainly be the biggest clown of all. Fortunately, the election ended and the related circus wound down. We never heard from Joe the Plumber again.

Until yesterday. The Washington Post tells us:

Joe the Plumber is aiming to become Joe the War Correspondent. John McCain's campaign sidekick Joe Wurzelbacker told Toledo's WNWO-TV he'll spend 10 days in Israel reporting for a conservative Web site, pjtv.com. "Being a Christian, I'm pretty well protected by God," he said. "That's not saying He's going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance."

Uh, Joe? Maybe you hadn't heard? But God is not a condom, and certainly not a custom-made one just for you. God is also not a shield, an invisibility cloak, nor a bulletproof vest. More importantly, God doesn't love you because you're a Christian and He doesn't hate Arabs because they're not. You, sir, are a complete numbskull. (Imagine my best Joe Scarborough imitation while you read that last line.)

The only numbskull bigger than Joe the Plumber are the knuckleheads at pjtv.com. What does pjtv stand for? You got it: Pajamas TV! (The marketing consultant inside me violently shudders at this dreadful name.) According to the website, Pajamas TV is "a network of about 100 bloggers that covers news and issues of the day in a refreshingly thoughtful and civil way" - or in other words, it's a bunch of conservative blowhards who agreed to be on a dumb website called pjtv.com. Which is, of course, why and how Joe the Plumber got hired at all.

Let's wish him godspeed and safe trip and then let's never talk about Joe the Plumber again. Considering I've blogged about this guy three times now, I guess the embargo should start with me. Sounds like a great New Year's resolution, but let's hope he doesn't tempt me by doing something really dumb. Sigh... fat chance of that, huh?

Designing Logos - Lesson 1

2009-01-06T12:25:00.003-05:00

What have I learned about designing logos over the past 12 years in business? Plenty. From time to time, I'm going to post some lessons learned about logo design.

Lesson 1: Always remember who your customers are and design everything for them.

In The E-Myth Revisited, (required reading for all entry-level business owners, btw) Michael Gerber suggests that start-up entrepreneurs almost always name their companies after themselves. Why? Because business owners cannot see a distinction between their inner selves and their companies.

I know this is true because this is exactly what I did - my company is named Julie & Company, after all!

So what are the implications of naming your business after yourself? Business owners:

End up working IN their businesses rather than ON their businesses, which leads to burnout, misery, hopeless, and failure.

Take every business success or disappointment personally because they've invested their very soul in their companies.

Believe the business should reflect their inner being - and this includes most particularly their branding.

Creating a brand to match your internal self is simply ineffective, bad, wrong, dumb, meaningless. Your logo is NOT yourself, just as your business is not yourself.

Which takes us to the primary purposes of a logo: to attract customers to your product and/or services and to then get your more attention and make you more money. That's why you go to all the trouble to brand your business - so you can be successful. Period.

So given this, what is the most important thing you should do when designing a logo?

Make it customer focused. Design the logo to meet the expectations and desires of your prospects and clients. Get in their heads and figure out what look and feel you need to have to get their attention. Then remember that whatever that look and feel is doesn't have anything to do with who you are as a human being - and that's just fine.

Let me give you an example from my own business. I am a graphic and web designer. My clients come to me because they want creative people to solve their business promotion problems. They want my service offerings to be fresh but professional. Therefore, my business needs to look fresh and professional, so:

My corporate colors are saturated hues of rust, avocado, and plum - usually more color than most of my clients want for their own businesses. But this color usage shows that Julie & Company has the creative spark that they need. I once had a client over to my home. She was disappointed that I didn't live in orange, green, and purple land. I don't. My home is much different from my corporate online presence. My home is about me. My business is about my customers.

The Julie & Company website doesn't look like other designers' sites and for good reason. I don't want us to look like everyone else. Julie & Company needs to be distinctive but in the right way. Instead of having a Flash website with lots of gizmos whirling around, I tell our corporate story in a solid, steady, business-like way. My clients aren't Coke or Nike and almost none of them sell to teenagers or young adults. They are instead B2B or B2G firms who generally despise gratuitous animation. Therefore, on my website, I give them straight HTML pages with a little Flash animation, just enough to get them interested but not so much as to make them (of me!) epileptic.

My customers want sober grown-ups with 20 years of business experience to help them - not post-adolescent kids who make every business look like an alternative rock band. Which brings me to another point: don't ask your teenager for approval of your logo. Kids do NOT want to see what ADULTS want to see in terms of branding.

A perfect example: for Christmas, my 53-year-old boyfriend asked for a black belt to wear with dress slacks. He got two belts, one from me, a 49-year old woman, and one from his son's 17-year-old girlfriend. Guess which one I picked out? And guess which one he'll actually wear with his dress slacks?

So be careful asking for your kids' approval. They will almost definitely point you in the wrong direction if you are selling to adults. (However, if you're selling to teenagers or twentysomethings, make them your own personal focus group. Listen to everything they have to say about design because for the kids' market, they'll be absolutely right.)

Bottom line: See your business as you want others to see it and then create a logo that matches that vision. That's the bottom line to your success, too.

"I got a WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

2009-01-04T09:08:00.010-05:00

Talk about the power of word-of-mouth marketing. Apparently American children have come to believe life is simply not worth without a Nintendo Wii. I actually contributed to this phenomenon by giving my nephew one for his Bar Mitzvah. I thought I was giving him yet another dumb gaming system; little did I know that it is nirvana in a box.

Here are 50 kids losing their bloody minds after receiving a Wii for Christmas. I can't help but feel sorry for the poor souls who didn't get one this year because their poor parents just couldn't afford it.

50 kids happy to get a Nintendo Wii for Christmas - watch more gamer videos

It still should have been Chuckie T

2009-01-02T11:19:00.005-05:00

I still think Chuck Todd should have been named host of Meet the Press, but MSNBC did the next best thing. They recently named him Chief White House Correspondent. Huffington Post reports:

If you count yourself among the many aggrieved fans of Chuck Todd who've wept over him not getting the Meet The Press job, take heart! Todd will be receiving a new, high profile position from NBC News, who today named him Chief White House Correspondent.

Congratulations are in order. But I don't care what title Chuck has at MSNBC. I will always heart Chuck Todd - and greatly admire his work, too.

Uncle Jay Explains 2008

2009-01-02T10:54:00.004-05:00

In case you managed to sleep through 2008, Uncle Jay will catch you up on the old year. It's truly a hoot.

Safeway sucks

2009-01-01T10:47:00.012-05:00

Yesterday I railed about Bloom's nearly complete lack of customer service and exceptionally high prices. However, after a quick shopping trip yesterday, I'm taking potshots at Bloom's rival, Safeway.

I stopped in last evening to pick up a prescription and ended up buying a few things I'd mysteriously forgotten I needed. (Why does this always happen to me at the grocery store?!) While standing in line, I decided I'd buy a pack of sugar-free Orbit Gum. I've been buying this particular confection for years, usually for about $1.09 a pack. Sometimes it even goes on sale for 99 cents.

Not at Safeway, not anymore. Orbit Gum is now a whopping $1.49 a pack. That's a 25 percent increase in price! Is there some cartel I don't know about that's protecting and ratcheting up the cost of gum? According to Reuters, Wrigley increased prices by 10 percent in 2007:

Wrigley said the increase was due in part to rising costs, but did not specify which costs. Food companies have been hit by higher costs for natural sweeteners like high fructose corn syrup as demand for use of crops in ethanol has sent prices soaring.

Okay, so what about the additional 15 percent increase? That's Safeway gouging its customers. According to Forbes.com, Safeway focused this year on costly real estate investments. "Chairman and Chief Executive Steve Burd said Safeway chose to work less on lowering prices in 2008 to keep its earnings guidance intact in the current economic environment. Now it is planning to cut more prices heading into 2009." It's going to have to as shoppers to reduce their spending during the recession/depression and look for more frugally priced grocery stores.

Hopefully we consumers can encourage Safeway and its ilk to drop prices by taking our dollars to discounters such as Wal-Mart, Bottom Dollar, Target, and the like. Here's one cost-savings tip: buy your Orbit Gum at Walgreens. It's only $1.19 a pack.

The bloom is off the rose (and brand) at Bloom's

2008-12-31T10:10:00.022-05:00

Bloom, a relatively new entrant to DC grocery marketing, blossomed in Rockville last year. And blossomed it did: there isn't one department that isn't simply splendid. The store features a good bakery, prodigious produce, delectable meat and seafood, and just about everything else you can imagine. Unlike Safeway or Giant, it is actually fun shopping at Bloom.

Bloom's marketing department created a glorious look and feel for the chain. The corporate palette includes saturated food-based colors, such as avocado, apple red, blueberry, plum, and wheat. While the logo's lower-case lettering conveys a friendly openness, the store's icon seems like it will start to spin any moment, leaving shoppers feeling energized and excited.

All of this sounds great because it is. But Bloom suffers from two enormous problems: ridiculously high prices and virtually zero customer service.

Problem Number 1: Bloom's prices are outrageous. Granted, Bloom is on par with Safeway (which is also obnoxiously overpriced), but unless you're a rich heiress, you'll be planning to live in the gutter by the time you finish your shopping trip. I went to Bloom yesterday to get a halfway-decent deal on New York strip steaks ($5.99/pound) and ended up doing the rest of my shopping there. My goal was to make a ham and veggie fettucine dish for my boyfriend - that doesn't sound particularly expensive, does it? But here's how it added up at Bloom:

1 ham steak $5.29
1 bunch of asparagus $ 3.99
1 yellow pepper $1.76
1 red pepper $1.96
2 tomatoes $3.78
1 package shredded mozzarella $2.99

Grand total? $19.77. For ONE meal! I realize that we're in a recession/depression and that it's the middle of winter and the vegetables are out of season, but c'mon, this is ridiculous. I wasn't making filet mignon, for God's sake. Bloom proves to be simply too expensive for weekly shopping. Next time, I'll go in for the steak sale and leave with one package of meat - that's it, that's all.

Problem Number 2: At Bloom, you get virtually no service. When you first enter the store, you are faced with a huge rack of self-scanning devices. The idea is that you scan products before you place them in your cart. When you are finished shopping, the device calculates your total and allows you to pay via a self-service kiosk when you are finished shopping. I tried this exactly once. It took me at least twice as long to do my grocery shopping using this newfangled pricing gun. Forget it. My time is worth a lot more than that. I want to get in and get out, no matter how pretty the store is.

Bloom's we-offer-no-service pledge goes deeper however. The store's employees routinely badger shoppers into using the self-check out aisles. During a busy shopping day, Bloom opens six self-service lanes and only ONE full-service lane; full-service means you have someone scan and bag your groceries. Not a lot in terms of service, right? Don't you expect your grocery store to provide grocery clerks to ring up your groceries and bag them? At Bloom, the management apparently thinks customer service is a big luxury - one they are are not going to provide if they can possibly help it - even if you are paying through the nose for their products.

I don't think the gas station self-service approach works in a grocery store environment - especially one that charges you a premium price for groceries. America started pumping its own gas during the 1970s gas crisis because it cost us less to fill our tanks. We might consider scanning and bagging our own groceries if it meant we could save some dough - but Bloom is asking us to serve ourselves and pay a higher price to do so.

Bloom's brand suffers greatly under these policies. Bloom could be greatly improved by lowering prices and increasing the number of open full-service lanes. Without these changes, the company will surely wither otherwise.

A dire warning for materialistic women

2008-12-28T15:26:00.006-05:00

I just DESPISE those holiday Lexus commercials in which the husband gives the wife the keys to her dream car and then everyone lives happily ever after. Mega blech! (Maybe I hate these ads because I've paid for every penny of every car I've ever owned. I apparently have bad karma in the rich-man-buys-chick-a-fancy-new-automobile department.)

Given this predilection, you'll understand why I love the following video. One of my aunts thinks it's a riot and the other thinks its sexist - and they are both right. Watch.

Impeccably timed, this faux commercial rings true as everyone reconsiders their own accumulated excesses. This video points out what we all know to be true: it is best to appreciate what we have and to always remember what's really important in life.

Living Large

2008-12-23T16:16:00.007-05:00

I saw this "Living Large" graphic recently in a magazine (Better Homes & Garden? House Beautiful? Don't remember.) I was struck by how much has changed during my time on the planet - and I'm not talking about the Cold War, global warming, or Richard Simmons either.

Very little has gotten smaller - including ourselves. In 1950, most women wore a size 12; most American women now sport size 16s. (The real question is: why do manufacturers persist in making so many more clothes for skinny chicks if most American women are plus-size?)

After all these years of upsizing, one trend to watch is downsizing. Not just in terms of baby boomers dealing with empty nests, but the reduction of everything we've been overdoing for the past several decades. It will be interesting to do a comparison 50 years from now to see if plate and home sizes have retracted. If our bodies continue to grow, wouldn't you bet that acre-sized bath towels will be all the rage?

Use this posting as a reminder that your marketing and your messaging need to evolve as the world changes. What was right yesterday might not be right for today. As an example, after September 11, the world - and every conceivable product - was adorned in American flags. Now red, white, and blue comes off very gray - especially here in Washington. People aren't less patriotic; they just don't wear the Grand Ole Flag on everything they own anymore. It's a good thing. Let's let the flag wear the flag.

Speaking of living large, I wish you larger-than-life holidays, ones you will remember (in a good way!) forever. Merry whatever! Enjoy.

A dolphin daydream

2008-12-22T11:32:00.006-05:00

Oh, the weather outside is frightful! It is SO damn cold here today - 22 degrees by my car therometer's count. I'm dreaming not of the white Christmas like the one I used to know, but the tropical, sunny Feliz Navidad that would warm my soul and allow me to relax.

Since I can't escape to the islands, I am daydreaming about dallying with dolphins. Join me. Just watch.

Forget Costco - Get even cheaper funerary products on Ebay!

2008-12-17T08:49:00.017-05:00

In the market for a discount funeral? I wrote recently about Costco's foray into the wonderful world of funerals, put today I found a new vendor: eBay.

I was poking around in eBay "Everything Else" category and came across "Funeral and Cemetery." Maybe because I'll soon turn 50 and therefore am facing my inevitable death, I couldn't resist evaluating my options. Here's what I found:

"casket pine jewish green-friendly funeral home hearse - caskets non-imported, built in Missouri pine painted." Let me rewrite this fairly nonsensical auction description for you. The seller represents Missouri Amish craftsmen who make pine caskets because they think Jewish people prefer simple burial devices that rot in an environmentally better way. Selling for $500 to $1000 with free shipping, these caskets are available in the color of your choice. "You may order custom colors for these caskets. We order all of our paint from Sherwin-Williams so that you can go to your local Sherwin-Williams and choose a color that you would like." Wonderful! Now I can match my casket to my plum pumps!

Next up: how about a "VELVET CASKET COFFIN COVER/CHAISE/BEDSPREAD/COUCH COVER"? The seller elaborates, "Here is a dynamite fabulous very old coffin/casket cover in crushed green velvet... There are so many unusual uses, a shawl, a drape, a couch cover {what a great conversation piece}, even a bedspread on a single bed, or a cover for a fainting couch or chaise cover, or use it as a coffin cover for a recently deceased loved one." Uh... I'll pass. Sleeping with an old coffin cover gives me the creeps. But Scarlet O'Hara did make that fab dress out of her mother's velvet drapes - you might give her a call. She could Buy It Now for only $89.99!

For the more stylish, richer corpse, you might consider the "Brushed Lilac/Lilac Shaded Coppertone Finish Casket." This coffin is manufactured by Cornerstone Casket, LLC, a company "well positioned to capitalize on the Asia manufacturing phenomenon now underway, to provide the funeral industry in the North American market the best value caskets available." However, they do admit what all coffin makers must admit: THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC OR OTHER EVIDENCE THAT ANY CASKET WITH SEALING DEVICE WILL PRESERVE HUMAN REMAINS." Well, I was seeking that ashes to ashes, dust to dust thing anyway. And guess what kids? This is the exact same coffin Costco sells for $924! Better comparison shop.

Finally, for the budget-conscious handyman, just DIY! eBay has just the book for you: "Do It Yourself Coffins for Pets and People." The seller states (and I'm not kidding here)that the author "departs from his usual animal carvings, burying himself in a new art form - the manufacture of special boxes for pets and people. Here's one project you won't want to put off until tomorrow... One box design even doubles as a beautiful blanket chest or coffee table!" The seller also reassures shoppers that purchases made by Friday will arrive in time for Christmas and that the company can "ship anywhere - even to your loved ones cross country or overseas."

(Sadly, the funerary product most often sold on eBay is baby caskets, which is far too sad to satirize. I feel terribly for anyone who has to bury a child.)

I could go on, but that's enough of this dead issue. Happy funeral shopping, kids! And Merry Christmas!

Last pug post for a while - I promise

2008-12-14T09:00:00.005-05:00

No more pug posts after this one, I promise. But my brother sent me this adorable video this morning and I can't resist.

For folks who are unfamiliar with the ubiquitous pug head tilt, let me explain. The head tilt, which occurs when you offer these muzzle-free dogs alluring goods or services, empirically proves that pugs actually have a working brain. This is important because when they're not tilting their heads, they're sleeping. Or eating. Or whining. That's it.

Check out this trifecta of pug head tilts. It's a complete hoot.

Me dog is a lazy wanker

2008-12-12T08:38:00.011-05:00

Moose, my beloved pug, spent his childhood with three exceptionally sedentary cats and therefore learned to do little more than sleep and eat. Twice a day, he opens one eye, yawns, stretches, and then asks impolitely to be let out to defecate. If you don't believe me, the following delivers incontrovertible video evidence. Don't worry... it's just the sleeping part of the above equation.

I was okay with my Rip Van Winkle dog until I saw an amazing border collie named Gin compete on Britain's version of "American Isle." Although this pup cannot speak (read my previous post), she certainly gets up and boogies, making herself the British female equivalent of John Travolta. Gin, who is clearly a brilliant dog, was trained by her equally talented and only 16-year-old owner, Kate. You've got to see it. Watch. And smile.

Canine chatter

2008-12-09T10:28:00.005-05:00

You thought dogs couldn't talk? Baloney. I present a new talking dogs video, along with my all-time favorite, Odie the Pug, who lovingly squawks "I ruv roo!"

Too broke to croak? Call Costco

2008-12-08T12:29:00.021-05:00

Looking for a way to trim funeral expenses this holiday season? Need some serious savings on Fido's urn? Or next-day delivery on that copper-colored casket? Then call Costco.

You know we're in an economic downturn when Costco starts peddling funerals. No, this isn't a joke or a skit from Saturday Live. This is America 2008 where you just can't afford to die.

Like the Washington Post's we-watch-so-you-don't-have-to TV column, I present the bottom line on Costco's funeral supplies:

Currently, caskets can only be purchased from and shipped to addresses in the following states: Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Florida, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming. (Too bad, Marylanders and Virginians - no service for you).

A casket ordered for expedited delivery will arrive by 5 p.m. (your local time) the following day (Monday-Friday, excluding holidays). Unfortunately, expedited delivery is NOT available in all areas, so it's best to put Grandma on ice for a few days.

Acts of God, weather-related conditions and states of emergencies can delay delivery beyond the stated delivery parameters. In other words, be prepared to keep Grandma on the aforementioned ice for a couple of weeks, just in case.

Costco.com will only accept returns of caskets due to freight or cosmetic damage from shipping. Can't change your mind, kids. Better agree on Mom's casket now because otherwise you've got one huge, creepy coffee table to fight over.

Most importantly, Costco wants you to know, and I quote here (including the capital letters): "THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC OR OTHER EVIDENCE THAT ANY CASKET WITH A SEALING DEVICE WILL PRESERVE HUMAN REMAINS." Ashes to ashes, dust to dust - the ultimate act of God. Sorry, Costco offers no guarantee that in 2000 years, some inquisitive antropologist will be able to dig up your sorry ass.

I'm a big proponent of cheap funerals. I'd much rather see all that money go to some good cause - as the case may be.

But when it's time for me to leave this world, I hope my heirs won't be so desperate as to go funeral shopping at Costco. Instead, just give my body to science. It'll save you a pile of dough and hopefully do some good for this world, too.

It should have been Chuckie T

2008-12-04T13:50:00.015-05:00

As a near-constant-devotee of MSNBC, I was devastated when Tim Russert died suddenly in June. My boyfriend called me when he heard the news because he knew I'd be beside myself - and I was. Tim Russert can never be replaced. Ever.

Tim left some very big shoes to fill at NBC News in general and at Meet the Press specifically. There has been much speculation about the heir apparent to the Peacock throne and apparently the king-elect is David Gregory. He is expected to replace guest host Tom Brokaw in the coming weeks.

I like David Gregory. I even met him once at a Rockville restaurant. At that point, he was the White House correspondent who did weekend fill-in gigs on the Today Show. When he and his wife and three young kids came into the crowded cafe. I recognized him immediately. First, he's got that fabulous head of white hair, and secondly, he's about 400-feet tall. You couldn't miss this guy if you tried, which is probably why NBC selected him.

Gregory stood impatiently waiting for a large enough table. Who could blame him - trying to keep three little children happy and quiet is no easy task. I called over my waitress, relinquished my large booth to his family, and moved to a smaller table because it was a nice thing to do. But I was also agog because he was a broadcast news celebrity - literally the top of the gene pool in my little world.

After I moved to the smaller table, David Gregory came over, smiled that huge smile, and thanked me for my generosity. I was transformed instantly into a simpy school girl. Gushing the gushiest gush of all gushes, I exclaimed, "Oh, I just love you on TV!" ACK!!!!! GAG! Going gooey over David Gregory is one of the top five greatest gaffes of my life. I'd do anything to take it back, anything. I was so... nauseating!

So much for my brush with a news celebrity.

But back to my original point. If I was Queen for a Day at NBC News, I would tap Chuck Todd as the next host of Meet The Press. I am a true Chuckolyte (and yes, that's the term - see Viva Chuck Todd and Chuckolyte if you don't believe me).

Andrew Tyndall at the The Huffington Post describes Chuck Todd this way:

NBC's political director is no smooth, sophisticated on-air presence--but neither was Russert when he took the job back in 1991. His call of Campaign 2008 has been exemplary throughout the primary season so he obviously has a spot-on sense of the political pulse. The public policy and foreign policy aspects of Meet the Press would be unchartered territory.

Chuck's down-to-earth, real-guy persona is indeed Russertesque. This explains his appeal. He's not the 6'5 gorgeous and perfectly coiffed David Gregory. Todd is imminently watchable because his love of politics, his zest in being on the ground, in the numbers, figuring it all out - just like Russert. If Chuck Todd whipped out Tim Russert's whiteboard, no one would be surprised. It would just seem right.

Todd presents as an apparent non-partisan, just like Russert. We may guess that these two journalists harbor liberal feelings, but they didn't show. On a network filled with big-personality opinionators like Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann, Todd offers balance and needed bipartisanship.

Chuck Todd is young and new, which is why NBC News won't select him. It would take vision and courage to choose this new guy to take that great old guy's place. NBC News once had mucho cajones - that's why they picked Russert. But now they'll take the safe route and crown David Gregory.

What a shame. If Tim were still here, he'd be the leading advocate for Chuck Todd. For this and a million other reasons, it's too bad Russert is gone.

Destiny Calls "Lost"

2008-12-02T17:07:00.016-05:00

Destiny calls! Finally!

After spending half of 2008 watching every episode of "Lost" with my boyfriend, Tom and I now breathlessly await the series return on Wednesday, January 21. (ABC, Channel 27 in DC, 8:00 - don't miss it!)

The fifth season sports a new tagline: Destiny Calls. This apparently refers to the Oceanic 6 - Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, Sun, and Aaron - who despite being rescued 108 days after the crash, heed their fate and return to the island. How this is possible, I don't know, because among other things, the island miraculously disappeared last season.

The series trailer also shows Kate and Jack getting engaged (and married?) and raising Claire's son, Aaron. It looks like Jon Locke is alive and well even though he purportedly committed suicide last season (thank God... as a middle aged mamma, that dude is HOT!). And of course, the evil Ben is back another season to torture and manipulate everyone, especially Jack.

Don't know about you, but when destiny calls, I answer. I'm even going to coerce my brother into getting my Tivo working so I don't miss a single episode (why doesn't ABC put Lost on OnDemand?!). When he comes over, maybe he'll lend me his Season 4 CDs - the set goes on sale December 9 just in time for Santa, of course - so I can rewatch last season and remember every significant - and insignificant - detail. Because honestly, how can you tell the difference?

I am certainly glad "Lost" is now found. I'm looking to rediscovering that island - and taking a season-long vacation with the Oceanic 6 and the rest of the gang.

America screams "DUH!"

2008-12-01T15:37:00.007-05:00

Word comes today from MSNBC that the United States is now officially in a recession and has been since December 2007. America (or me anyway) wants to scream back DUH!

As I've been saying all year (read My Great Depression about Delusions of Grandeur and Another Great Depression), America has been greatly depressed - not even recessed! - all year. Finally the numbers prove what we've all known for a while: our economy just sucks.

However, despite all the dreariness, there is a bit of good news:

This weekend, I spent only $24 to fill up my Beetle. This is a damn sight better than the almost $50 I was spending weekly a few months ago.
People went shopping this weekend and spent $25 more this year than last, although I'm sure profits are significantly less. Retailers simply slashed prices. On Black Friday, I spent my morning at Office Depot so I could buy a fabulous HP printer for only $25. Five years ago, I bought a fancy HP color printer and spent nearly $500. Now an even-better printer cost me just 5 percent of the original purchase price. Woo hoo! (But what is ridiculous is that HP charges $35 for just one of the four print cartridges needed to run my printer. We know where HP is making its money - and it ain't in hardware.)
My business is busy. I've closed several new clients in the past couple of months - something I feared wouldn't happen in the downturn. But smart business owners recognize that they must spend marketing dollars when times get bad rather than doing what the less informed do: slash marketing budgets. I am grateful for the new business and pray that it lasts.

The stock market is down today by over 650 points, but I'm immune to its fluctuations. We're living in an amusement park (that's not very amusing) with a huge roller coaster. It goes up, it comes down. Whatever. Go find throw a softball at the milk bottles or have the barker guess your weight or buy some cotton candy. Watching that damn roller coaster will make you nauseous.

I'm sure the market tanked today with the official word that we're in recession, but let me say it again: DUH. This isn't remotely news. It's just the angst we live with every day.

Arriving Again and Again Without Noticing

2008-11-26T15:16:00.005-05:00

A poem of thanksgiving at midlife.

Arriving Again and Again without Noticing

I remember all the different kinds of years.
Angry, or brokenhearted, or afraid.
I remember feeling like that
walking up the mountain along the dirt path
to my broken house on the island.
And long years of waiting in Massachusetts.
The winter walking and hot summer walking.
I finally fell in love with all of it:
dirt, night, rock and far views.
It's strange that my heart is as full
now as my desire was then.

--Linda Gregg

This year, in the midst of financial hardship and two wars and more bad news than we can possibly process, it may be hard to remember how grateful you are for your life. I am grateful for mine. I am thankful for the simple but priceless things in my life: my dog; a good bed; warm clothes; meaningful and creative work; hearty friendships; my brother and his children; and as always, my beloved. I have so much to be happy about regardless of how old I am, how I look, or how much I don't make. You can't buy love nor happiness - and I have both.

What more can I say? Happy Thanksgiving.

Wacko Pugs, installment four: albino pugs!

2008-11-21T09:38:00.020-05:00

Welcome to Wacko Pugs IV where today we feature albino pugs. Yes, they do exist, as evidenced below:

Look at those sweethearts! You know you want some.

I never thought I'd see a white pug with blue eyes. Kind of strange, but he's still a darn good looking dog. How interesting that the following albino pug gave birth to a fawn pup - evidence of the recessive albino trait.

But a pug is still a pug, and they all sleep their lives away - they're worse than cats. Don't look at this picture too long or you'll starting zzz-ing, too.

To learn more about white pugs, visit the Pugs of Pedroia and WhitePugs.com. And check out my other wacko pug posts: Installments 1, 2, and 3.

Don't miss "A Common Canvas - Pennsylvania's New Deal Post Office Murals"

2008-11-21T08:51:00.004-05:00

I got a nice email this morning from Dave Lembeck, a fellow New Deal post office mural lover. (Read my posts about the Rockville and the Silver Spring murals.)

Dave has had the great good fortune to travel around Pennsylvania with Michael Mutmansky photographing the artwork. He writes,

I've been researching PO art for about 14 years and a while ago hooked up with an amazing photographer and we started shooting PO murals and sculptures in PA. I'm a designer and our plan was to do a nice coffee table book... Everything was going fine until last summer when we were told we couldn't shoot anymore, seems the USPS wants to control the use of the images! Anyway, two years ago the State Museum of PA contacted us saying they wanted to do a big exhibit in 2008, the 75th anniversary of the New Deal. We've been working away at it for months and it opens tomorrow.

The exhibit runs from November 23, 2008 through May 17, 2009 at the State Museum of Pennsylvania in Harrisburg. I'm definitely going! To learn more about the exhibit, visit the website or view the flyer (which was created by Dave, a professional graphic designer and a man after my own heart).

What I'd do with my last tourniquet

2008-11-20T08:48:00.006-05:00

The US automakers' CEOs, otherwise known as America's New Jet Set, winged their way to Washington yesterday to beg Congress for yet another bailout. I won't venture an opinion about the sensibility of this proposed bridge loan because I haven't made up my mind yet. But I will tell you that Rep. Gary Ackerman is my new new hero. As DigitalJournal.com reports, Ackerman performed a superb dressing down of the execs yesterday:

"There is a delicious irony in seeing private luxury jets flying into Washington, D.C., and people coming off of them with tin cups in their hand, saying that they're going to be trimming down and streamlining their businesses," Rep. Gary Ackerman, D-New York, told the chief executive officers of Ford, Chrysler and General Motors at a hearing of the House Financial Services Committee.

"It's almost like seeing a guy show up at the soup kitchen in high hat and tuxedo. It kind of makes you a little bit suspicious. Couldn't you all have downgraded to first class or jet- pooled or something to get here? It would have at least sent a message that you do get it."

Ackerman went on to say:

"Maybe you can tell us what you're actually going to do to sell cars people want. Somebody heard that we're giving out free money in Washington. They're showing up from all over the place. But you don't want to put your last tourniquet on a dead guy."

You go, Gary! Every once in a while, an elected official speaks the truth. Rep. Ackerman's concise, populist critique of American fat cats underscores the abject hypocrisy inherent in all these economic bailouts. Somehow, the rich stay rich or get even richer while everyone else heads to hell in the proverbial handbasket.

I'm so pleased with Rep. Ackerman that I'd give him my last tourniquet even if ready to gasp his last breath. We need more people like Ackerman looking out for us - and speaking the God's honest truth. Thank you, sir.

Flush Joe the Plumber, Part Deux

2008-11-17T15:39:00.014-05:00

Unbeige today reports:

Politics aside, there's one name/phrase we hope to never have to hear or talk about ever again (which will hopefully be the case after this post). That, of course, being "Joe the Plumber," the absurd moniker of one Joe Wurzelbacher, who is a plumber. As you may have heard during the battle for the White House, Joe was busy trying to stretch out his temporary fame by writing a book. Now that book is available for pre-order ..."

The name of this heralded tome? Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream.

Let me get a few things straight. First, Joe the Plumber isn't really named Joe; his name is Sam. And he didn't write this book either. A "spiritual novelist" named Thomas N. Tabback penned this stinker.

Finally, how exactly has Sam the Perpetual Fame Seeker fought for the American Dream? By creating a truly dreadful website that, for the nominal fee of $14.95, lets you sign up for the "Freedom Membership" which has the following "benefits:"

Total Access to "Joe The Forum" where you may chat directly with Joe
Subscription to the "Joe The Blog" monthly newsletter
Free Shipping on all "Joe The Plumber" merchandise
Free Signed Copy of Joe's forthcoming book "Joe The Plumber" - Fighting for the American Dream (Paperback slated for release December 1, 2008)
Become an integral part of an American movement to restore our government to the people

Know what I would like to do? Become an integral part of an American movement to restore Samuel Wurzelbacher to complete anonymity. I hate JTP so much, I won't give you the link to his book. And please don't go look it up. I can't take another 15 seconds of this dude's excruciating 15 minutes of fame. As I said in my last JTP rant, it's long past time to flush Joe the Plumber.

Goodbye Cresthaven Elementary

2008-11-17T14:15:00.011-05:00

Yesterday, I had the bittersweet pleasure of attending a goodbye party for my elementary school. When I first enrolled in Cresthaven Elementary in 1964, the school resembled a new ranch house with a (what was then) hip, mid-century design; flat roof; multiple rectangular, plate glass windows; and incredibly spare ornamentation.

The school is almost exactly as I remember it, all the way down to the folding lunch tables stored in the front of the all-purpose room. The library found its way down the hall to larger quarters and renamed itself as a "media room" (ack!), but otherwise the school appears to have completely avoided evolution.

Until now. The Montgomery County Public Schools is tearing the building down in January and replacing it with a three-story "green" primary educational facility. That certainly sounds like a MCPS thing to do; in fact, they tore down my junior high school a couple of years ago and now are in the process of rebuilding it. So while my alma mater is still standing, I decided to make one last trip to the school.

When I was a child, Cresthaven sported ubiquitous Maryland landscaping: green grass, misshapen azaleas, and spindly oak trees. Those oaks are now gentle giants who inspired a rush of childhood remembrance: my saddle-shoed feet plowing through ever-abundant brown, brittle oak leaves and their companion acorns. Those sturdy seeds looked like tiny heads just waiting for a face. I liked to play with acorns, popping the woody tan hat to expose the acorn's bald spot and then searched diligently for telltale worm holes. Rolling the acorn around in my palm, I tried in vain to break the shell, settling finally for pressing the pointy neck deep into my thumb. Even then, I marveled that such a tiny seed could one day produce a glorious tree. Thinking back, I realize I was also a resilient, little acorn just waiting to grow.

And grow I did. Under the careful tutelage of my elementary school teachers - Mrs. Ness, Mrs. Bauer, Ms. Cochran, Miss Beasley, and Mr. Ritter - I received a simply stellar education. God bless you all - and thank you. I pray the students who attend the new, improved Cresthaven Elementary get even half the education I did. If they do, they will most certainly grow into mighty oaks themselves.

You know the campaign is almost over when...

2008-11-03T08:27:00.025-05:00

... eBay's featured items are Cabbage Patch candidate dolls. I knew something was missing from this big, beautiful world, but I didn't think it was this.

Sarah Palin, the big winner in the auction (but likely not the election), is currently priced at an unbelievable $9,800 - almost the cost of one of her designer suits!

Fortunately, 100 percent of the proceeds go to the Marine Toys for Tots Foundation. According to the accompanying eBay page, "Each is fashioned in classic ‘Kid™ style to resemble the U.S. Democratic and Republican candidates for President and Vice President. These are the only ones of their kind in existence and are available only on eBay. Own a piece of history!"

Sadly, I'm going to have to pass. Our dire economy leaves me a bit short this month for five-figure, 1980s-throw-back dolls.

But I can't help noticing that while Palin and Obama are very identifiable, McCain and Biden are virtually interchangeable. You know how it is... those old, white, balding guys... they all look alike. ;-)

Happy Election Day Eve, gang. Curl up with your Cabbage Patch doll and get some sleep. Tomorrow night we'll be up late watching campaign results - and truly witnessing history.

Flush Joe the Plumber

2008-10-30T20:43:00.022-04:00

On Tuesday, we will vote for our next president. I strongly encourage you to vote for whomever you choose - just be sure to vote.

I also urge you to join me in impeaching Joe the Plumber. We need to unilaterally send this guy back to Ohio to fix toilets. In support of my argument, I present the following evidence:

Joe the Plumber lied about his name. His real moniker is not Joe. It is Samuel Wurzelbacher.

Joe the Plumber is not, as he lied to Barack Obama, considering buying a plumbing business in Ohio. In fact, he's not even a licensed plumber.

Joe the Plumber would not suffer under Obama's tax policy which proposes to raise taxes on those who make over $250,000 a year. In fact, Samuel the Unlicensed Plumber made only $40,000 last year, and the company for which he works made only $100,000. Therefore, both Wurzelbacher and his boss would actually benefit under Obama's tax plan.

Joe the Plumber announced that he is considering running for Congress, despite the fact that Ohio has an outstanding lien against him for $1,182.98 in back taxes. (I don't need to state the obvious, but I will: in lacking experience, education, wisdom, good sense, and humility, this would-be emperor is buck-ass naked.)

Joe the Plumber, flush with his instant fame, yesterday hired a public relations firm to handle his many requests for interviews. (The real question is: why does the press continue to talk to this nobody?)

Joe the Plumber, despite his fervent political aspirations, yesterday announced he is pursuing a country/western music contract. (If he sings as well as he spouts tired Republican talking points, Nashville is in real trouble.)

Joe the Plumber today received John McCain's unending gratitude despite the fact that Wurzelbacher stood him up at a campaign event. When Wurzelbacher didn't appear, John McCain urged the crowd to give his favorite plumber a hand "for all that he has done for this country." (WTF?)
Joe the Plumber made his presidential endorsement this evening, telling ABC News that in terms of his vote, "It’s going to be for a real American. It’s going to be for a real American, John McCain." (As compared to the real American, Barack Obama, who was born in Hawaii? Perhaps "real Americans" have to be born in the lower 48?)

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case. The fact of the matter is, Joe the Plumber's 15 minutes were up two weeks ago. I urge you to push that lever on Tuesday. Not the lever in the voting booth, but the one that will now and forever flush Joe the Plumber from public consciousness! Or at least mine.

We're definitely not in Kansas anymore...

2008-10-30T20:41:00.002-04:00

Nor in Alaska either!

Wacko pugs, installment three

2008-10-25T10:02:00.020-04:00

It's been a while since I've chronicled God's most creative creatures, which I lovingly call Wacko Pugs. What is a wacko pug? Simply a great dog who is a conglomeration of pug and some other pure-bred canine. The result is truly a one-of-a-kind pup. Of course, all dogs are one-of-a-kind, but these guys are really something else. (Check out Installment 1 and Installment 2 to see other pug mixes.)

Today, let's begin with an unlikely pair: pug and poodle. Pugs are the burly halfbacks of the dog world, even when they're girls. In contrast, poodles are prissy little things who prance. Join the two together, and you have this honey-colored beauty. She looks less prissy and more halfback to me - perhaps she's a quarterback???

Speaking of feminine dogs, how about this little doll? She's a chow chow/pug mix who looks like she belong in Paris Hilton's bag. This one is definitely a girly-girl, red hair bows and all. I'd love to know if she's got a black tongue, one of the chow's distinguishing characteristics.

Next, a shih tzu/pug mix who just begs to be loved. Who could deny this sweet thing whatever he wants? I'd spoil this wacko pug until he was completely insufferable (kind of like my dog!).

And how about this built-in lifeguard of a dog who can signal storm warnings with his contrary ears? He's an Eskimo dog/pug mix, a combo I never thought I'd see.

I can't imagine anyone saying "hit the road, Jack," to this adorable Jack Russell/pug pup. I bet he's nothing but trouble, but he's a real cutie.

And I'll end this installment of Wacko Pugs with the wise, knowing eyes of this pomeranian/pug dog. He is undoubtedly an old soul who would cuddle up with you just to let you know that everything will be okay. Like the rest of these unique creations, what a great dog.

My Great Depression about delusions of grandeur

2008-10-23T12:34:00.024-04:00

A couple of thoughts today in response to MSNBC and CNBC's insistent and persistent reporting that we MIGHT be in a recession. Excuse me? We MIGHT be in a recession? What are they thinking?

Yes, I know economists technically define recession as two or more consecutive quarters of negative gross domestic product (GDP). The United States of America apparently does not officially qualify for recession status because our GDP was .9 percent in the first quarter and 2.9 percent in the second quarter. And in what can only be seen as completely delusional, the Bureau of Economic Analysis projects that the third quarter GDP will be 3.8 percent.

HUH? The American economy is growing? Are they nuts?

I'm no economist, but defining recession by this measurement is clearly meaningless. We're not only in a recession - we're in a depression, as evidenced by:

Exponentially growing unemployment. As the 760,000 lost jobs this year prove (my brother and ex-husband are among these poor souls), unemployment is staggering - and is likely to only get worse.

Falling house prices. Inman News stated today that home prices have fallen 11.3 percent and that "there's no reason to expect any improvement and, if anything, things could get worse."

Rapidly increasing mortgage defaults. As Bloomberg reports, "U.S. foreclosure filings increased 71 percent in the third quarter from a year earlier to the highest on record as home prices fell and stricter mortgage standards made it harder for homeowners to sell or refinance, RealtyTrac said." Seventy-one percent??? Good God!

The interminable credit crisis in the nation's banks. Even Alan Greenspan said today that he is in "shocking disbelief" that the economy is such a "tsunami." If Greenspan's shocked, what the heck am I supposed to think, do, or feel?

The high cost of gas. Even with the commodity's recent falling price, it still costs $45 to fill up my Beetle. I don't even know what SUV owners do every week. I just couldn't do it.

The astronomical growth in grocery prices. I bought three bags of groceries - on sale - yesterday and still managed to burn through $111.83. Shoot me now.

Clearly, the United States is not in happy financial times simply because the GDP is up. I don't think we're even in a recession. Depression, with all its unfortunate and costly misery, rules. No delusions of grandeur here.

However, speaking of delusions of grandeur, I can't help but mention the GOP's glitzy fashion maven, Sarah Palin. As I'm sure you've already heard, she managed in eight weeks to blow through $150,000 in chi-chi-poo-poo frocks and other accouterment. Listen, it may feel like the woman fell off a snowmobile and into the vice presidential race, but c'mon, she is a governor! How bad could her apparel have possibly been? I understand getting some new duds for a national political contest, but $150,000 in two months? Thank God Obama's in the lead because we can't afford this woman! At the rate she's going, we'd spend nearly a million dollars a year just keeping her clothed!

In this awful, dreadful, miserable, hopeless, horrifying, appalling, atrocious, revolting, and vile economy, the American people don't suffer from a single delusion of grandeur. Instead, we're cowering under a pile of pink slips, past due credit card bills, empty wallets, late mortgage payments, and burgeoning fear.

I wish I had a single delusion of grandeur. If I did, I'd whip out that overburdened credit card and go on a long tropical vacation. Alas, I need to be real - and everyone else does, too. The last things we require right now are confused economists and fancily dressed politicians. And I haven't even mentioned Congress yet...

Denis Leary is just stupid. Or lazy. Or both.

2008-10-16T12:42:00.006-04:00

NBC makes the following report:

In the book, "Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide To Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid," (Denis) Leary makes light of autism and says it's an excuse used by "inattentive mothers and competitive dads" to explain why their "kids can't compete academically." In an excerpt of the book published in the New York Post, Leary writes: "I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you -- yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."

Denis Leary is a complete ass. I'm sorry, I can't say it in a gentler way. I have three nephews who struggle with autism-spectrum disorders, and I can promise you, none of them can blame their inattentive mothers and competitive dads. Denis Leary should come meet these three wonderful young men - and my siblings. He wouldn't have the gall to say those things to my face, or theirs.

No one understands the rapid rise of autism, but I think every autism researcher in the country would agree that Denis Leary is just stupid. Or lazy. Or both. What an ass.

The Rockville Post Office Mural

2008-10-16T11:30:00.015-04:00

Word comes that the General Services Administration has donated the old Rockville Post Office to the city government for use as the Rockville Police Department headquarters. According to Gazette.net, the renovation will cost $7.9 million while "retaining the historic nature of the building, specifically the exterior facades facing South Washington Street and West Montgomery Avenue and the lobby."

That's cool. But what's more interesting to me is that this historic building houses yet another WPA mural. (I wrote about the Silver Spring mural recently.) Painted in 1940 by Judson Dejonge Smith, the Rockville mural features Sugarloaf Mountain. Fortunately, the city will preserve the mural as part of the renovation process.

I love the mural in part because it looks like it could have been painted today. Owned and preserved by the Strong Foundation, Sugarloaf Mountain looks just as it did nearly 70 years ago - unlike the rest of Montgomery County. Yes, some new McMansions scar the bucolic beauty, but the region has escaped the biggest banes of suburbia: way too many Bradford pear trees, way too many houses on way too tiny lots, and worst of all, way too many strip malls and big-box stores.

Judson Smith painted at least two other murals in a similar simple and naturalistic style. This mural, entitled "Along the Barge Canal," hangs in the Albion, NY, post office. Smith painted it in 1939, a year before painting "Sugarloaf Mountain" for Rockville's post office.

And here is his painting of the beautiful Lake George for the post office there. He finished this work in 1942. It reminds me very much of the "Sugarloaf Mountain" mural.

Born in Michigan in 1880, Judson has been described as a "businessman turned painter." A painter, teacher and muralist, Judson Smith lived both in Michigan and Woodstock, New York, where he was the Director of the Woodstock School of Painting. He is recognized as one of the best New Deal painters.

As our nation's leaders attempt to pull our country from the brink of depression, perhaps they will commission new artwork for our public spaces. Hopefully not yet another ugly abstract metal sculpture! But more naturalistic paintings inspired by Judson Dejonge Smith's fine work.

Less than a dollar a day

2008-10-15T15:51:00.025-04:00

Today is Blog Action Day when literally thousands of bloggers are taking up the issue of poverty to "raise awareness, initiate action and to shake the web." Great idea. I'll weigh in.

I originally thought I'd write about how terrible the economy is and my worry that we'll soon be starring in "Great Depression - The Sequel." I've personally lost over $100,000 in 401K savings, and after my divorce and the recession, I am broke. I even borrowed "The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck from the library; I figured I'd better start boning up on how to survive the very worst of financial disasters. (Fortunately, I feel absolutely zero compulsion to load everything I own into my VW Beetle and drive across country to pick peaches. Apparently, I would make a lousy Joad.)

Anyway, as I was ramping up to whine, I saw a map that changed my mind. Since a picture paints a thousand words, I'll let you look at how many people in this world live in extreme poverty, surviving on less than $1 a day:

I don't know about you, but the only way I can live on less than a dollar a day is to stay home and not turn on the computer. The downturn has revived any notion I ever had of frugality, but this is different. We're lucky; very few in the US live in extreme poverty. Western Europe, Russia, and Australia are also faring well. But look at South America and China. Six to 20% of these folks are living on less than a buck a day. And compared to Africa, the South Americans and Chinese are living like overfed royalty.

So even as we fret over lost retirement funds and increasing unemployment, let us remember how much we have here in America - and how we have a responsibility to others much less fortunate than ourselves. This puts a whole new spin into the old Hollies record, "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother."

Is there anything we can do to fight hunger and poverty in this world? Here are a few ideas:

Provide microloans to the poor via OptInNow. As the organization's website says, "You give a gift that funds a loan. That loan builds a business. And that business helps hard working families out of poverty. When the loan is repaid, it’s recycled, and loaned again and again. It’s giving that keeps going." As an entrepreneur, I like this idea a lot. Giving as little as $25 to start a business? Priceless.

Knit something for Afghans For Afghans. The organization "sends hand-knit and crocheted blankets and sweaters, vests, hats, mittens, and socks to the beleaguered people of Afghanistan." I've knitted several pairs of mittens for this non-profit. It really warms my heart to know that I am keeping someone warm in one of the least fortunate countries in the world.

Stop buying your daily latte or Diet Coke and donate that money to charity. You might put Starbucks out of business, but you could make a real difference to a family in the Third World.

I'll close this Steinbeck quote: "How can you frighten a man whose hunger is not only in his own cramped stomach but in the wretched bellies of his children? You can't scare him - he has known a fear beyond every other." Do what you can to quell that fear, to feed those wretched bellies. It is our obligation to each other - and to ourselves, too.

Brad rocks

2008-10-12T10:13:00.005-04:00

Forgive my bragging… but my brother’s son, Brad, won a soon-to-be-televised match on It’s Academic, a long-running, DC area, high school, TV quiz show. This is even more of an achievement for Brad because he is the only sophomore selected for the team; usually only seniors win the honor to be on TV. But Brad is simply a freaking genius – and he’s handsome and sweet as can be, too. Plus he’s like 6’3”! If I weren’t his aunt and 35 years too old, I’d date Brad in a minute.

I’m very proud, as you can tell. :-) Brad is the dude on the left (which won’t be surprising if you’ve ever met my brother!).

Branding the Bailout

2008-09-29T13:02:00.026-04:00

Today we wait for Congress to stop screwing around with Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson's $70 billion bailout plan and just pass the damn thing so we can sidestep financial armageddon. John McCain's Mighty Mouse imitation last week - "here I am to save the day!!!" - is just the latest symbol of our elected leaders inability to do a single reasonable thing. I'm scared and everyone else is, too. I wrote back in March that I feared the Next Great Depression, and sadly, I was right.

But I'm not here today to add my incredibly meager voice to the populace's outrage over this debacle. I want to focus on the marketing - or lack thereof - of Paulson's plan and how it should be rebranded to make the bailout more palatable to the American people. This is the USA, after all - we are all victims of marketing.

CNBC's Jim Cramer has been lobbying to call the plan "The Investment in America Plan" - and he's right. Paulson's plan is not a bailout or a donation to those greedy tycoons on Wall Street. It's a cash infusion into the American economy. It is an investment. The USA is getting a ton of crappy mortgages - all of which represent property soon to be owned by the United States of America. After the world stops panicking (which admittedly could take some time), property values will rise and the USA may actually make money. That's what Cramer says - and again, I think he's right.

The American people have invested in their country before. FDR led our nation out of depression 80 years ago by investing in America. You remember all those acronyms from the 30s: the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps), the WPA (Works Projects Administration), the CWA (Civil Works Administration), and many more. Those agencies plowed tax dollars back into the USA by establishing or improving our nation's infrastructure, creating public artwork, revolutionizing farming, and much more. I remember the post office mural at the Silver Spring post office (which has been moved to the library), and from a genealogy perspective, I've benefitted from the hard work of WPA staff members who transcribed the country's censuses. We invested in the nation once and we need to do it again (without participating in World War III though).

So I second Paulson's plan and even more strongly support Cramer's suggestion that we rebrand the plan "The Investment in America." God willing, this investment will pay off. If it doesn't, I'm moving to Southern Maryland with my boyfriend. He has three acres of land where we can plant crops and keep a chicken or two. I won't tell you where it is... I don't want you showing up for free food if worse comes to worst!

Giant's Project Refresh

2008-08-25T09:46:00.015-04:00

My brother called yesterday morning. "I've got a blog suggestion for you. Comment on the new Giant logo. I read the Post article about it and it sounds like a load of crap to me." While I respect my brother's opinion, I disagree.

I had seen the new branding; in fact, a postcard urging "Come celebrate our fresh new look!" was propped up against my monitor. Frankly, the coupons on the back are what caught my eye. Like everyone else, my food budget is stretched thin and I was drawn by the coupon for $1.00 off Rotisserie Chicken. But I had also read the Washington Post article, "Giant Puts on a Fresh Face For Its Supermarket Upgrades," that describes the rebranding.

I think Royal Ahold deserves high praise for reworking this tired brand. I grew up at the White Oak Giant Food; my mother hauled me there every Saturday to buy the family's groceries. Giant was THE place to shop for food in the DC area - until a few years ago when the house that Izzy Cohen built was sold to the international conglomerate, Royal Ahold. The store's venerable brand then slipped because of lackluster customer service, higher prices, poorly laid out stores, and more.

This serves as another reminder that a brand is NOT a logo. A brand is the feeling customers or clients have about your product or service. To use a very hackneyed analogy, creating a new logo for a mediocre company is like putting lipstick on a pig. Royal Ahold knows this and "is planning to expand its selection of prepared foods and private-label offerings. It also is instituting a family checkout lane that bans tabloids and candy in favor of yogurt, animal crackers and bottled water. Hand-held scanners soon will be available for shoppers to ring up groceries while they browse the store." New logo + improved service and products = renovated and resurrected brand. Smart, too.

The old Giant logo is just that: old. As the Post article states, the brand was created in 1963. Just like me, it needed a facelift (just kidding - in my case anyway). Royal Ahold needed to breathe life back into the stores, and in a market that includes exceptionally well-branded companies like Bloom and Trader Joe's, Giant needs to be able to compete.

My nomination for the next brand that needs refreshing? Safeway. It's looking a wee bit weary and boring in the now-more-vibrant grocers industry. It will interesting to see how the company reintreprets this household-name brand.

Before and After: TSpec

2008-08-11T16:12:00.007-04:00

Julie & Company has just finished up a website for a long-time client, Technical Specialties, otherwise known as TSpec. The good folks there have been good to us for years; we first started working with them in 2001 when we rebranded and renamed the company. Unfortunately, I don't have a copy of the original logo, but as I remember it was pretty lame. Everyone was happy with the updated logo and website when it debuted seven years ago.

Fast forward to 2008. A lot has happened since then - especially on the web. What was an innovative site in 2001 now looked, well, nearly ridiculous. It was difficult to navigate, impossible to optimize for search engines, and was just plain old worn out.

BEFORE

So Patrick Carter, TSpec VP, called me to the rescue again. We've just launched the revised site and once again, everyone is happy with the face lift. We kept the logo as it is because it still looks fresh; this also allowed the company to avoid reprinting everything in its marketing arsenel. But Julie & Company greatly updated the homepage, adding a Flash animation, rollovers, and pop-up navigation. We also created sections for TSpec's major markets, allowing the company to provide a targeted message to a targeted audience.

AFTERAll's well that ends well - for now anyway. It's likely that within a decade TSpec will be hiring Julie & Company for another new website design. Why? Because the web will have continued to evolve and grow, and what looks great today will again look obsolete.

However, if we're lucky, both Patrick and I will have won the lottery, paid off all our bills, and be living like royalty someplace warm. From my lips to God's ears! Until that time, thank you, TSpec for being such a great and loyal client.

Colour My World

2008-08-11T15:37:00.011-04:00

For all the colorphiles out there, I've found a fabulous new blog: ColourLovers. This inspired masterpiece of a blog offers fascinating stories about color. Today's entry, for example, discusses and displays naturally occurring, opulently colored salt evaporation ponds. These man-made pools take on the color of the microorganisms that inhabit them, producing every hue from peach to emerald. Fascinating - and beautiful.

And then there is ColourLover's discussion of brocken bows, something that I'd never heard of before. According to the-font-of-all-knowledge Wikipedia, a brocken bow is an "enormously magnified shadow of an observer, cast upon the upper surfaces of clouds opposite the sun." Brocken bows occur on foggy mountain tops - which explains why I haven't heard of them. I haven't spent ten minutes on a foggy mountaintop since I was a Girl Scout in 1967! These specter-like occurrences bring to mind pictures of Jesus; perhaps he experienced a brocken bow? That would have been quite a sight - enough to start a world religion (especially if you're the Son of God - as we all are, INHO).

Kudos to ColourLovers. Keep up the great work!

Worshipping Crayola crayons

2008-06-30T09:33:00.023-04:00

As a child, just about my favorite thing to do was look at color. In kindergarten, my teacher passed me a prism and I was simply rapt. Nothing was more beautiful to me than standing in the sun, twisting around the triangular glass, and watching the rainbow dance on the sidewalk. Stunning.

I got my first lesson in color from this prism, and although I could not then have drawn a color wheel, I understood intrinsically that the colors in my Crayola crayon box should be ordered:

Red
Orange
Yellow
Green
Blue
Purple
Brown
Black

And they always were. My personal mantra encompassed these colors. Others might pray with a rosary, but my prayer beads were wax cylinders placed in perfect order in a small gold and green box. Honestly, I could rattle off these color names faster and easier than my home address.

Now, you might wonder what about all those really cool colors like Magenta, Raw Umber, and Carnation Pink. I never got those colors, dammit. My mother insisted on buying me the mega-cheap, eight-pack Crayola crayons. My best friend, Janice, however always had a fresh 64-color Crayola crayons box. I was perpetually Pine Green with envy. (Or was it Sea Green???)

The 60s Crayola tagline was "They work on brains, not batteries." What a message for today's kids! Watch this Crayola ad from back in the day.

According to Wikipedia, the original color line up for Crayola's 1960's 64-color box was: BLACK, ORANGE, APRICOT, AQUAMARINE, BITTERSWEET, BLUE, BLUE GRAY, BLUE GREEN, BLUE VIOLET, BRICK RED, BRILLIANT ROSE, BROWN, BURNT ORANGE, BURNT SIENNA, CADET BLUE, CARNATION PINK, COPPER, CORNFLOWER, FLESH, FOREST GREEN, GOLD, GOLDENROD, GRAY, GREEN, GREEN BLUE, GREEN YELLOW, INDIAN RED, LAVENDER, LEMON YELLOW, LIGHT BLUE, MAHOGANY, MAIZE, MAROON, MAUVELOUS, MELON, MIDNIGHT BLUE, MULBERRY, NAVY BLUE, OLIVE GREEN, ORANGE-RED, ORANGE-YELLOW, ORCHID, PERIWINKLE, PINE GREEN, PLUM, RAW SIENNA, RAW UMBER, RED, RED ORANGE, RED VIOLET, SALMON, SEA GREEN, SEPIA, SKY BLUE, SILVER, SPRING GREEN, TAN, THISTLE, VIOLET, VIOLET BLUE, VIOLET RED, WHITE, YELLOW, YELLOW GREEN, YELLOW ORANGE.

My whole life would have been different if I could have had another 56 colors. I swear it.

And then there's this: British artist Jamie Shovlin's whirling dervish of a Crayola color wheel. According to David Rainbird, Slovin has sorted his crayons by "hue in an attempt to form tetrads - combinations of colours from four equidistant points around the circle that when combined create perfect greys. There are 720 possible tetrad combinations with this many Crayolas and although Shovlin started the combinations, he gave up after trying out about twenty or so."

What a wonder! I'd love to have this hanging in my office offering daily inspiration. I couldn't find a better mandala if I tried.

So thank heaven for Crayola crayons. But most of all, thank God for color - all 64 of them in the elusive box set - and every other hue besides.

Brown and the Starbucks Effect

2008-06-25T08:41:00.022-04:00

When it comes to fashion trends, I'm no Carrie Bradshaw - I'll take a pair of navy Crocs over some fancy Manolo Blahniks anyday.

But I've always been fascinated by color trends. I grew up in the age of avocado refrigerators, burnt orange AMC Gremlins, and brown everything else. Dateline 1970, land of the recession, home of the earthtones. Everything was inevitably some shade of brown.

So when I ponder the color brown, I instinctually think of moldy basements with dark fake wood paneling; maybe that's because my stepfather concocted a nasty, grasshopper-infested den using that reprehensible paneling in the house in which I grew up. Brown inevitably conjures up thoughts of UPS, dirt, and excrement, too (no offense, UPS).

Brown also brings to mind the old Baskin Robbins logo, back when having 31 different flavors was a big deal. (I worked at that ice cream parlor between high school and college. It was located just inside the Hecht's department store in Silver Spring, and I had to wear this god-awful pink and brown polyester uniform. I would come home every night with ice cream in my armpits - no lie. I've never looked at ice cream the way same since).

But apparently brown has been reborn. I came across an interesting article about jewelry design this morning which claims that brown diamonds set in pink gold is the latest thing. According to Pantone color guru Lee Eiseman, who spoke at a recent Las Vegas jewerly show, the latest trend features “delectable chocolate browns are accented by tempting pinks.” Eiseman says this trend will continue until at least summer 2009.

Eiseman claims the resurgence of brown is due to the “Starbucks’ Effect.” As the article states, "Before the coffee shop industry gained such prominence, people tended to react to the color brown in a negative sense, calling it earthy or dirty. Since coffee drinking has become such an integral part of everyday life, consumers now see brown hues in a much more positive light, regarding them as rich and robust. 'They have,' said Eiseman, 'a new respect for the color brown.'"

So I'm rethinking brown. This is probably a good thing, given that I have dark brown hair and eyes. I also look great in pink. Maybe the Starbucks Effect will improve the self-esteem of brunettes around the world. Works for me!

Grief

2008-06-18T17:51:00.006-04:00

A lovely poem from the May 5th issue of the New Yorker.

Grief

When grief comes to you as a purple gorilla
you must count yourself lucky.
You must offer her what’s left
of your dinner, the book you were trying to finish
you must put aside,
and make her a place to sit at the foot of your bed,
her eyes moving from the clock
to the television and back again.
I am not afraid. She has been here before
and now I can recognize her gait
as she approaches the house.
Some nights, when I know she’s coming,
I unlock the door, lie down on my back,
and count her steps
from the street to the porch.
Tonight she brings a pencil and a ream of paper,
tells me to write down
everyone I have ever known,
and we separate them between the living and the dead
so she can pick each name at random.
I play her favorite Willie Nelson album
because she misses Texas
but I don’t ask why.
She hums a little,
the way my brother does when he gardens.
We sit for an hour
while she tells me how unreasonable I’ve been,
crying in the checkout line,
refusing to eat, refusing to shower,
all the smoking and all the drinking.
Eventually she puts one of her heavy
purple arms around me, leans
her head against mine,
and all of a sudden things are feeling romantic.
So I tell her,
things are feeling romantic.
She pulls another name, this time
from the dead,
and turns to me in that way that parents do
so you feel embarrassed or ashamed of something.
Romantic? she says,
reading the name out loud, slowly,
so I am aware of each syllable, each vowel
wrapping around the bones like new muscle,
the sound of that person’s body
and how reckless it is,
how careless that his name is in one pile and not the other

Go get 'em, Luke

2008-06-16T21:17:00.003-04:00

As I blogged yesterday, I am in love with Tim Russert and always will be. This evening, I watched his beloved son, Luke, being interviewed by Matt Lauer and remembered what it was like for me losing my mom at such a young age. I don't think I could have been half as gracious and articulate as this young man. Saying Luke is a credit to his parents is an incredible understatement. I look forward to watching Luke take the stage - whatever that stage is - because no matter what he does, he will be a success. What a great kid. In case you missed it, here is the interview.

Remembering Tim Russert

2008-06-14T09:14:00.010-04:00

I never met Tim Russert, but I feel like I've lost a member of my family.

I've been in love with Tim Russert for years. He was my dream man. If I'd won a contest that would have let me eat dinner with anyone alive, it would have been Tim Russert. I've always thought he would have made me a great husband: kind, loving, and focused on family, he was also a consumate and creative professional who was dedicated to his craft. I know I could have been happy if I'd only married Tim Russert!

I am an MS-NBC addict; during the day, I watch nothing else from the time I get up in the morning until I stop work. So when MS-NBC came back from a commercial break playing that God-awful special report music, I expected that the network would report on the Afghanistan jail break that had just occured where 40 Taliban members had escaped. I mean, that's a huge story, right? When I looked up and saw Tom Brokaw, I knew the news was even worse - and indeed it was. When Brokaw reported that Tim had died, my heart stopped and my tears began. How could it even be possible that he had died?

My phone rang a few minutes later and my boyfriend, Tom, said he had some very bad news that he wanted me to hear from him first. I was crying already, so he knew that I had heard about Tim's death. It meant the world to me that my beloved boyfriend would want to break the news to me gently about the loss of someone I really loved.

I am grateful that MS-NBC has devoted all of its coverage since then to remembering Tim Russert. I can't watch enough. The world is in mourning and I need to participate. I am particularly thankful for Wolf Blitzer; when I left to visit Tom in Southern Maryland yesterday afternoon, I couldn't listen to MS-NBC because it is not on XM Radio. But CNN is, and was doing what everyone else was doing: mourning Tim Russert. Wolf Blitzer spent hours with journalists and politicians talking about the death of his greatest rival. That's real class.

I'm a but drop in an ocean of people who love and mourn Tim Russert. Politics and Washington and journalism and Buffalo and NBC and indeed the world will never be the same. God bless Tim Russert and his family. He will always be missed.

Wacko pugs, installment 2

2008-06-13T11:10:00.008-04:00

My beloved brother and nephew have declared me a lazy blogger - and they're right. To repent for my sins and to celebrate the universe's diverse design sense, I offer Round 2 of Wacko Pugs. (You might also want to check out Wacko pugs, installment 1).

First up, we have a cute pug/beagle mix, otherwise known as a puggle:

Next, a pekinese/pug combo that looks like it has some shepherd mixed in as well, but I might be wrong:

Our third unique creation is actually a two-some whose parents are Brussels griffon and pug:

Next up, a beautiful, blue-eyed (or is it just a blue version of red eye?) black lab/pug mix:

And finally, here's something I bet you'd never see: a crocodile/pug mutt!

An icon from my youth

2008-05-26T08:38:00.011-04:00

Like everyone else in life, I've had my share of ups and downs. But when I turned 16 and went looking for my first summer job, the employment gods smiled wide upon me. Paul Frene, a carrot-haired, multi-freckled friend of mine, had recently been hired by Roth Theatres. He got me an interview (which I drove to - illegally - in my father's brand-new Mercedes SL Convertible - but that is another story). I was thrilled to have a real job - even if it was one that paid me $2.50 an hour - less than minimum wage even in the 1970s (I forget how they got away with that one!).

The reason I mention all this is because my brother, John, also a Roth Theatre alumnus, recently emailed me the stolen embroidered patch that was originally sewn on the god-awful, blood-red, polyester blazers the ushers were made to wear.

The logo made me smile and remember many things, but most importantly for this venue, it reminded me that I was fascinated with branding long before anyone even conceived that term. I remember staring at the Roth Theatre's logo, pondering the rationale of inverting the R and the E in Theatres (which I now know to be the British spelling of the word). I wondered if the italicized letters going up at a slant made the whole thing seem more positive and fun, and guessed that the reason they used the stars was to tie it all back to Hollywood.

Now I look at the logo and think about how lucky the company was to have such a short name (four letters... I mean, come on!) and marvel how much money they were willing to pay for printing a three-color logo in the days when Xerox Docutech printers hadn't yet made printing even remotely affordable. (I also have to admit the one-color version on my brother's name badge looks pretty good.)

I don't think I would design the Roth Theatre's logo like this now, but I do think it stands up pretty well after 40 or 50 years. Perhaps you can thank Bob Mondello, the renowned NPR film critic, for this; he was in charge of Roth's advertising in the late 70s when I was but a lowly "candy girl," as we called them back in the day.

Roth Theatres has been defunct for many years now. Roth's Silver Spring East is now a bank on Thayer Avenue, and Roth's Silver Spring West, on Georgia Avenue not far from the DC line, is now a street-front church. The West, as it was affectionately called, was originally a vaudeville theater that was converted to a movie house.

As you can tell, I have wonderful memories of my theatre days. Besides working with my bratty, little brother, I met my first love there as well as my oldest friend, Bill Burgess, and sewed a passion for logo design that blossoms to this very day.

Vinegar and Oil

2008-05-22T07:18:00.004-04:00

I like this poem by Jane Hirschfield, especially the opening line. It is published in this month's Atlantic Magazine.

Vinegar and Oil

Wrong solitude vinegars the soul,
right solitude oils it.

How fragile we are, between the few good moments.

Coming and going unfinished,
puzzled by fate,

like the half-carved relief
of a fallen donkey, above a church door in Finland.

From today's Washington Post: Misogyny I Won't Miss

2008-05-15T11:24:00.007-04:00

By Marie Cocco
Thursday, May 15, 2008; Page A15

As the Democratic nomination contest slouches toward a close, it's time to take stock of what I will not miss.

I will not miss seeing advertisements for T-shirts that bear the slogan "Bros before Hos." The shirts depict Barack Obama (the Bro) and Hillary Clinton (the Ho) and are widely sold on the Internet.

I will not miss walking past airport concessions selling the Hillary Nutcracker, a device in which a pantsuit-clad Clinton doll opens her legs to reveal stainless-steel thighs that, well, bust nuts. I won't miss television and newspaper stories that make light of the novelty item.

I won't miss episodes like the one in which liberal radio personality Randi Rhodes called Clinton a "big [expletive] whore" and said the same about former vice presidential nominee Geraldine Ferraro. Rhodes was appearing at an event sponsored by a San Francisco radio station, before an audience of appreciative Obama supporters -- one of whom had promoted the evening on the presumptive Democratic nominee's official campaign Web site.

I won't miss Citizens United Not Timid (no acronym, please), an anti-Clinton group founded by Republican guru Roger Stone.

Political discourse will at last be free of jokes like this one, told last week by magician Penn Jillette on MSNBC: "Obama did great in February, and that's because that was Black History Month. And now Hillary's doing much better 'cause it's White Bitch Month, right?" Co-hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski rebuked Jillette.

I won't miss political commentators (including National Public Radio political editor Ken Rudin and Andrew Sullivan, the columnist and blogger) who compare Clinton to the Glenn Close character in the movie "Fatal Attraction." In the iconic 1987 film, Close played an independent New York woman who has an affair with a married man played by Michael Douglas. When the liaison ends, the jilted woman becomes a deranged, knife-wielding stalker who terrorizes the man's blissful suburban family. Message: Psychopathic home-wrecker, begone.

The airwaves will at last be free of comments that liken Clinton to a "she-devil" (Chris Matthews on MSNBC, who helpfully supplied an on-screen mock-up of Clinton sprouting horns). Or those who offer that she's "looking like everyone's first wife standing outside a probate court" (Mike Barnicle, also on MSNBC).

But perhaps it is not wives who are so very problematic. Maybe it's mothers. Because, after all, Clinton is more like "a scolding mother, talking down to a child" (Jack Cafferty on CNN).

When all other images fail, there is one other I will not miss. That is, the down-to-the-basics, simplest one: "White women are a problem, that's -- you know, we all live with that" (William Kristol of Fox News).

I won't miss reading another treatise by a man or woman, of the left or right, who says that sexism has had not even a teeny-weeny bit of influence on the course of the Democratic campaign. To hint that sexism might possibly have had a minimal role is to play that risible "gender card."

Most of all, I will not miss the silence.

I will not miss the deafening, depressing silence of Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean or other leading Democrats, who to my knowledge (with the exception of Sen. Barbara Mikulski of Maryland) haven't publicly uttered a word of outrage at the unrelenting, sex-based hate that has been hurled at a former first lady and two-term senator from New York. Among those holding their tongues are hundreds of Democrats for whom Clinton has campaigned and raised millions of dollars. Don Imus endured more public ire from the political class when he insulted the Rutgers University women's basketball team.

Would the silence prevail if Obama's likeness were put on a tap-dancing doll that was sold at airports? Would the media figures who dole out precious face time to these politicians be such pals if they'd compared Obama with a character in a blaxploitation film? And how would crude references to Obama's sex organs play?

There are many reasons Clinton is losing the nomination contest, some having to do with her strategic mistakes, others with the groundswell for "change." But for all Clinton's political blemishes, the darker stain that has been exposed is the hatred of women that is accepted as a part of our culture.

Marie Cocco is syndicated by the Washington Post Writers Group. Her e-mail address is mariecocco@washpost.com.

Debuting a couple of new logos

2008-05-14T11:20:00.015-04:00

I recently finished a couple of new logos that I thought I'd share with you.

First up: Distinction. I created this distinctive logo for a corporate events planner who is looking to start her own business. She wanted a look that is fresh and professional but lively and fun, too, so I combined the traditional Roman lettering with the dragonfly and colored the lot with regal purple and gold. This look and feel will help her business stand out from the crowd and give corporations a sense of her creativity in event planning. Dragonflies are always busy, moving, getting things done - all excellent attributions for her business. I think it will work well for her.

Second: I had a great time dreaming up this traditional football logo for the Westlake High School Boosters from Waldorf, MD. Their bulldog mascot is a natural for the football theme, so I wove together the football, the rough-and-tumble doggie, and a great collegiate typeface from Chank and touchdown! Westlake's mega-cute logo will adorn T-shirts, sweatshirts, and a variety of other incoming-generating merchandise for the team.

If you'd like an effective, clever logo for your team, business, or organization, give me a call: 301-330-9353. I'd love to help. Creating logos is one of the great joys of my life.

Another Knitting IFO: Bobbi Bear

2008-05-12T12:06:00.006-04:00

Lisa and Steve, who are friends of my boyfriend, Tom, are pregnant at long last with a little girl. In celebration, I decided to rustle up this adorable Bobbi Bear. The pattern, available from Blue Sky Alpacas, is shown in various wools, but I decided to whip it up instead in their beautiful, soft Dyed Cotton in Shell. I love the results and I hope the new parents and their little girl do, too.

I wanted to adorn bear's neck with a little something and was so thrilled when I found the just-right thing at JoAnn Fabrics: a white grosgrain ribbon with "baby girl" printed in pink and brown . The perfect touch. Welcome to the world, little one!

Knitting IFO: Baby Poncho

2008-05-08T08:45:00.008-04:00

I have an IFO (identified finished object) to report this morning: a baby poncho!

I created this non-traditional baby gift for my chiropractor's receptionist's baby-to-be (did you follow that???). Lisa, the mama-in-waiting, has gorgeous green eyes, so I'm figuring the baby might, too. I'm not sure whether she's having a boy or a girl, but this should work for either.

I made it from Lion Brand's free pattern using their MicroSpun yarn in Lime. I like the way it knitted up, but it was kind of a pain to work with because it was just a bunch of strands woven together; the yarn easily pulled apart so I had to watch what I was doing or I'd poke the needle through the strands and the stitch would look like crap.

Regardless, I hope Lisa and the new baby love the new poncho!

Next up: I'm about three-quarters of the way done with the Blue Sky Alpaca Baby Bobbi Bear. Really cute! And then I've promised my pal, Ron, that I will make something for myself. I've already bought some scarlet wool for that very purpose and am pondering patterns as we speak. So much yarn, so little time!

Do you hear the people sing?

2008-05-08T08:39:00.002-04:00

Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of plastic men?

I got this Lego Les Miserables send-up from my brother's blog. It make me mega-jealous (dammit, I wish I had done it!), so I'm posting it here.

John Adams goes green

2008-05-07T09:07:00.006-04:00

Did you happen to catch HBO's fantabulous "John Adams"? Besides the fact that it was just rip-roaringly amazing, I was awestruck by the set decoration and costumes. Gorgeous is an understatement. I'm sure the production will win every related Emmy and maybe an Oscar, too since there isn't a movie out there that can hold a candle!

The use of green throughout the show was fascinating. You could almost see an oil painter's palette in the set designer's hands, as she daubed leaf green and chartreuse and then added in some dark olive. Just beautiful.

If you get a chance to watch, keep your eye on the use of evergreen. Every time John reaches a pinnacle or enters a crossroads of his life, evergreen appears. For example, when the Continental Congress first meets in Philadelphia, the walls are painted a light bluish green. But as John gains power, the walls change to dark green. The same color appears when his beloved daughter, Nabby, dies and when he becomes ill, too. Watch for it!

And then check out the gorgeous lavender that Thomas Jefferson always wears to play up his red coif!

The entire colonial affair is truly a feast for the eyes.

Remembering Karl Ware and Dr. Robert Adrian

2008-05-03T09:55:00.008-04:00

I blogged recently about losing my dear friend, Michael Bjerknes, to cancer. Today I want to remember two other men who died much too young from this awful disease, men who were wonderful clients of my business and whom I considered to be friends as well.

Dr. Robert Adrian died suddenly last August from leukemia. He was the healthiest looking man I knew; I would have bet my house that he would have lived to be 100. He looked so healthy, just looking at him made you feel like you should go eat a carrot and run a mile. To say that people were shocked when he fell ill last summer is an understatement. When he died, it was simply incomprehensible.

Bob was a wonderful and loyal client to Julie & Company, and I am grateful for his patronage. But his support during my marital separation really struck me. He called me personally to express his concern and to tell me how much he liked me and considered me a friend, and that he would consider it an honor if I would call on him if I needed any help. I was very touched.

Bob left behind his wife, Janet, and four sons, and they are still in my thoughts and prayers. Having lost my mother at 18, I can know first hand some of the challenges they face. God bless them.

Now where in the world would I be without Karl Ware? He was my very first client, along with Pete Bianco, all the way back in 1997. Karl and Pete founded BioNetrix, literally one of the world's first biometric companies five years before September 11. After this tragic date, people intrinsically understood the rationale for tracking people by their fingerprints, retinas, and other bodily characteristics.

Karl was a true renaissaince man. Besides BioNetrix, he worked for JP Morgan, MCI, the University of Maryland, the National University of Singapore, and the CIA, where if I remember correctly, his dad was a honcho. He traveled the world and had extensive experience in international marketing, especially in Asia.

Karl was different. I remember once he tried to get me to sell exotic kites online. Only Karl. He was also one of those guys who could be any age - and no one knew for sure exactly how old he was. He liked that mystery, I think, because he always found a way to dodge the question. He could have been 25 or 75. Only Karl and his mamma knew for sure.

Karl quite frankly believed in me and exuberantly got me started in business. (Thanks for Pete Bianco and Steve Walker for their help, too.) Karl may not have been perfect, but he was a loyal, honest, decent man. Ultimately, what more could you ask for? He's been gone four years this month. I will always thank God for Karl Ware.

A real mission that has nothing to do with mission statements

2008-04-30T18:36:00.005-04:00

Last week, Jeanine Gajewski, my favorite reporter (other than my brother anyway) interviewed me about mission statements for an article she is writing for SmartCEO Magazine. What are your clients doing, she asked? What is their process? Do they find them effective?

Mission statements? Girl, I said, I haven't thought about those babies in at least five years and as far as I know, my clients haven't either. Mission statements went the way of swoosh logos (grace of God, people finally stopped asking me for swoosh logos ala Nike!) and three-word taglines (you know what I'm talking about: STRENGTH INTEGRITY TRUST... or... SMELLY STINKY MALODOROUS).

Mission statements were all the rage during the dot com days when companies bathed in money and paid PR consultants big bucks to examine their corporate navels and spin up carefully worded and completely meaningless drivel that they plastered on their websites. No one ever read that crap except for job applicants who dutifully memorized it and blathered it back to the jean-clad interviewers in HR. Eventually, during the much-needed redesign of the corporate website, I suggested to the CEO that company ditch the damn thing and that was that.

I jest. But I do believe that the silly days of PR and marketing consulting are over and that companies now insist on real-world value for their money. ROI is the name of the game and let's face it: mission statements don't return jack.

So don't waste your money on elucidating corporate values for a mission statement. Instead, figure out how those values influence your brand... and if your customers would never, ever associate strength, integrity, or trust with your company, give me a call. We've got some real real-world work to do.

My field of sorrow hard frozen

2008-04-25T08:57:00.014-04:00

This morning I am finding comfort in my favorite poem.

SOMETIMES

Sometimes things don't go, after all,
From bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
Faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail,
Sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes will step back from war;
Elect an honest man; decide they care
Enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they are born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
Amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
That seemed hard frozen: may it happen to you.

- Sheenagh Pugh

On her page dedicated to the poem, "The Dreaded Sometimes," Pugh states:

"It was originally written about a sportsman who had a drug problem and it expressed the hope that he might eventually get over it - because things do go right sometimes, but not very often... But it isn't anywhere near skilful or subtle enough and I would cheerfully disown it, if people didn't now and then write to me saying it had helped them. By the way, you might also care to know that I originally wrote "the sun will sometimes melt a field of snow" (the sportsman's drug of choice was cocaine). But I mistyped "sorrow" for "snow" and then decided I liked that better. I believe in letting the keyboard join in the creative process now and then."

My field of sorrow hard frozen has begun to thaw - my panic abates. Thank God for spring - the world's and my own.

Another Great Depression?

2008-04-24T07:42:00.014-04:00

Four dollars for a gallon of milk? Almost $50 to fill up my VW Beetle? And today there is a report that Thailand, like the rest of Asia, is restricting rice exports like OPEC limits sales of oil thereby driving up prices, increasing food shortages, and guaranteeing starvation.

I don't know about you, but this is horrifying. Someone needs to do something! But who is in charge? George Bush, the lamest lame duck of all time. Mr. 28-Percent-Approval-Rating has nothing to do but dance - over and over again. You never see Bush give a policy speech; the only reason he makes the news is because he struck some lame dance pose.

We're also victims of an unending presidential primary. I am not advocating for the coronation of Barack Obama; like Hillary, I think the votes for Florida and Michigan should be counted (how can it possibly be constitutional or morally right otherwise?).

But I don't care who wins at this point, as long as it is a Democrat who will get us out of Iraq in the next ten minutes. Why are we wasting billions of dollars on a horrendous situation we cannot change? We need an international Serenity Prayer here, people: God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. The only thing we change change is ourselves. Bring those dollars home. Now. So we can buy oil and rice.

Jesus, I'm depressed. Yes, this is the Great Depression. We should all be depressed.

How do you eat an elephant?

2008-04-22T11:20:00.010-04:00

Perhaps as a child you heard this riddle: how do you eat an elephant?

One mouthful at a time.

This contemplation is on my mind this morning. One day at a time... one step at a time... one moment if necessary.

In my quest to write and illustrate this blog entry, I found this lovely elephant image and the following prayer, which I most sincerely now say:

May Lord Ganesha,the leader of Shiva’s retinue,whose very thought ensures success,who carries on his shoulders the head of a beautiful elephant,who is a repository of wisdom and an abode of blessed qualities, shower us his grace.

Amen.

Wacko pugs, installment 1

2008-04-21T16:23:00.045-04:00

I once edited Wacko Pugs, an online photo album of pug mutts. I posted pictures of pugs who had been purposely or inadvertently been bred with some other sort of dog. For example, many folks like puggles, or pug + beagles.

Well, over a couple of months, my Wacko Pugs site spread like the flu in a February kindergarten class. People from all over the world visited the site and 99 percent of them thought it was great.

And there there was the other one percent who believed I was:

1. Stealing pictures of their beloved pugs
2. Making fun of their beloved pugs
3. Purposely breeding their beloved pugs with other dogs (?!)

So these numbskulls started sending hate mail to me and to each other. That sure whipped them into a frenzy, so they posted my site to the dog rescue message boards and OMG! They were a pack of ravenous dogs and I was the limping gazelle. They called me every name in the book and threatened my life and guaranteed eternal damnation and ensured all manners of punishment until I finally called uncle and just shut the whole damn site down. Which was really a shame because all it was was just a bunch of pictures of really cute dogs.

Being the contrarian that I am, I am reviving Wacko Pugs in this forum for your and my enjoyment. I'm going to post these pretty pooches when I get tired of pouting everyday and don't have anything nice to say (like today - like lately!). I hope they make you smile.

Way too much to do today...

2008-04-17T09:26:00.004-04:00

I'm too busy to post today, so I offer this reminder from Cathy Thorne's Every Day People Cartoons.

Remembering Michael Bjerknes

2008-04-16T11:56:00.018-04:00

Today I mourn Michael Bjerknes, my friend, confidante, business associate, compatriot, and soulmate. He died Monday of colon cancer. He was only 51.

Michael was a giant of a man and of life. I've never known anyone with such a perfectly bifurcated brain. Half was devoted to the arts; from his early teens, he was an avid ballet dancer and served as the principal dancer in the Joffrey Ballet, among other companies. Agnes de Mille even choreographed a part for him!

The other half was pure business and technology. After retiring as a professional dancer, he earned his MBA from the University of Maryland and went to work as a business consultant. That's when I met him. I got a call from his boss to come in and talk about doing marketing for the small technology company for which he was working. He and I instantly connected - and were in complete agreement that his boss was a consummate idiot. We were wonderful pals ever after.

When that unfortunate venture inevitably went south, Michael partnered with his wife, Pam (also a retired professional ballerina), and founded the American Dance Institute. He called me as soon as they got started and asked me to build a brand. He gave me free reign and all his confidence. To date, it is still one of my favorite logos. Michael obtained a long-term lease on a building in Rockville and built an entire studio based on the periwinkle ribbon in the logo. It is one gorgeous building for a terrific staff that teaches dance and Pilates to dozens of children and adults alike.

Michael and I remained friends throughout. He was always a long-suffering business coach and offered cogent, free advice about how I should best run my business. We'd regularly meet for breakfast to discuss business, life, and love. He always had a patient ear and a kind heart.

When I left my husband and my life started to tilt, he understood. By that point, he was ill and had some perspective on his plight, I think. He told me that in all the time he'd known me, I'd always looked for validation from the outside. When we first met, I sought approval through money and success. Then I had the weight loss surgery and looked for validation from men. He challenged me to validate myself from within and to accept what he knew all along: that I was terrific just as I was.

I will never forget this.

Nor will I forget the companion conversation Michael and I had the last time I saw him in February. Wheelchair bound, he questioned who he really was since he was no longer the strapping, 6-foot-four dancer of his youth. If he'd lived his life through his body, who was he now that his body had deserted him? His sister had tried to reassure him that as long as he had his brain, he would still be himself. But I saw this differently. To me, Michael was Michael because of his esse, his soul, his being. You can't take those things away from him. His body is gone, and that magnificent brain has passed. But Michael will always be Michael. He lives on within me, giving me the approval I so badly need. How ironic.

My world is a sadder, smaller place today. But as I told him 400 times in the past few months, I love Michael Bjerknes. What a giant among men. What a blessing to have known him.

Before and after

2008-04-10T08:45:00.008-04:00

Since I talked about my weight loss surgery in my previous post, I thought I'd post a before and after picture I've sent to some friends. A picture is worth a thousand words, as they say. These photographs show my best friend and RA from college, Judy, and me five years apart.

Tom's sweater

2008-04-05T00:22:00.015-04:00

I went down to Tom's on Friday and finally got a picture of him in the sweater I made him for Christmas. I'm particularly proud of this garment because it fits him so well. He's tremendously tall and has these crazy long-ass arms, so I was was afraid the whole thing would ride up and look dorky. Worried, I had every tall dude I know try it on while I was making it. Smart idea, because it fits him like a glove. I knitted it in Patons SWS which is strangely 70% wool and 30% soybean! It's nice and soft though.

It was a great day down in Southern Maryland, as you can see. I made dinner for Tom and Michael, creating to-die-for fajitas with all-fresh ingredients and homemade guacamole. OMG. That's all I can say, it was so good. Better than any Mexican restaurant by far. The only thing missing was the pitcher of margaritas. Next time...

Moose enjoyed his day in the country. I hope he didn't come home with fleas - I ordered the Frontline but it hasn't gotten here yet. Moose the Apartment Doggie likes being able to run around on Tom's property without a leash. I never thought he'd ever be a farm dog, but given how much fun he had today, I think he might like playing one on TV!

Congratulations, Brad!

2008-04-04T08:44:00.006-04:00

I'm so proud to report that my favorite nephew, Brad Matthews, got straight As for the first time (in high school anyway). I've got three other nephews who have at one time or another been my favorite, but none of them enjoys hearing how much I love him as Brad does.

Brad is the spawn of my brother, John. I wish my mother hadn't died 30 years ago for a million reasons, one of which is that she would never stop laughing about how much John's kids are like him - a just revenge, of course!

Brad possesses an amazing intellect and a near perfect memory. You can't help but look at this kid and wonder where life will take him. He's pondering the sciences as a vocation, possibly genetics. I can't wait to see what he does in this world.

No matter how wonderful Brad's brain is, however, his heart is even more remarkable. He may be 14 but he's never disdainful of his adoring aunt, and I love that. I love him! Congratulations, Brad, for being both smart and loving. I am so proud of you!

Have you ever heard a pug say "I love you"?

2008-04-03T18:55:00.003-04:00

Now you have!